


The Challenge

by inner_tempest



Category: The Halcyon (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-07-08 13:52:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inner_tempest/pseuds/inner_tempest
Summary: Modern AU with Toby and Adil.





	1. THE JOB

**Author's Note:**

> Another multi-chapter...ruhroh.
> 
> I kind of fought with myself about whether I wanted to make this a show timeline AU or a modern AU...modern won out. I think it's going to be more fun this way. :D
> 
> As usual, The Halcyon and its characters do not belong to me. I just like playing with them. Like dolls. XD
> 
> Also, would anyone be interested in being a beta reader for me? I just want to have someone to look over chapters and make sure I don't have a ton of grammar/spelling errors, and chapters stay consistent with everything. I would seriously love you forever. Let me know if you're up for that!

The Hamilton family was known for being exorbitantly wealthy. Descended from aristocracy, Lawrence and Pricilla lived in luxury in an old hotel in London, their twin sons Freddie and Toby in fancy flats in London. They visited their parents from time to time, but even the staff knew the family mostly hated each other.

Adil had just started as a barman in the Halcyon hotel when one of these visits occurred. One of his seniors informed him this was the younger twin, Toby, that would be visiting. _He_ was the mostly harmless one, finishing up a Maths degree at some prestigious college. Apparently some sort of genius. Adil couldn’t deny he was curious, and made sure he was right at the door when the car pulled up, as the bar was empty at the moment.

Toby Hamilton was tall with gangly limbs, and the tight jeans he wore made it look like his legs went on forever. He had a fringe of hair that fell over his forehead, and hazel eyes that seemed to see right through Adil. “New guy, huh?” he looked over Adil. His tone wasn’t _cruel_ or anything…more curious that anything.

“Yes, sir. Adil Joshi, sir…I work in the bar.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Joshi,” Toby sounded sincere. “I’m so sorry you work for my parents.”

Toby Hamilton didn’t seem as stuck up and insufferable as his parents from the start. Adil sort of…liked that.

“Toby!” Mrs. Hamilton came from a side door, embracing her son. “Oh good, you didn’t bring-”

The door opened and another young man entered, carrying two suitcases. “Sure, baby…leave the luggage to me,” he glared at Toby.

“-Danny,” Mrs. Hamilton finished lamely.

“Well luckily my boyfriend won’t let me deal with this place alone,” Toby draped his arm loosely around the other man and smirked.

It was quite clear that Mrs. Hamilton didn’t approve of her son’s sexual preferences…and quite obviously his boyfriend, but she held her tongue, a sour look on her face. Adil almost wanted to laugh, but he kept his neutral face on.

His own family was just fine with his preference for men. But they were much more caring and loving than the Hamiltons. This was something Adil had picked up on from the very start. Mrs. and Mr. Hamilton didn’t even sleep in the same room. There was no love in this place, no compassion or acceptance. Adil was seeing that even clearer with the way Mrs. Hamilton was eyeing her son’s boyfriend.

“Let me find someone to take your bags up,” Adil said neutrally, not wanting to be in the crossfire he was sure was coming.

 _So Toby Hamilton is gay_ …he thought as he went to find someone to get Toby and Danny’s bags. In some ways, Adil was almost grateful for that. So far, he hadn’t shared his own preferences with anyone…not even the staff he mostly worked with. Not that he had really shared _anything_ about himself. Adil preferred to keep to himself. Not that the staff wasn’t welcoming and kind, but the man was rather awkward at the best of times. He was great when it came to working in the bar, having worked hard for years to be a good barman, but most of the time, later on, when the rest of staff would be relaxing and playing poker or drinking together, Adil would just go back to his small flat in Paddington, taking the evenings for himself.

But it hadn’t been that long. Adil did hope that after some time, he’d find his place amongst the rest of them. As introverted as he was, he _did_ hope the day would come.

Adil had helped one of the maids bring up the bags to Toby’s room. As he was leaving, Toby and his boyfriend entered, laughing about something. Adil smiled as he headed towards the door. “Thank you, Mr. Joshi,” Toby said brightly. His eyes lingered on Adil for just a moment before his boyfriend pulled him into the room, the door shutting and locking.

There was something about Toby Hamilton…something Adil couldn’t quite put his finger on. A glimpse into the future that this man was going to be…important to him somehow. It was an absurd feeling, but there was…something.

And while Adil did his duties in the bar, he knew he was being ridiculous on so many levels. But he just _couldn’t_ get Toby Hamilton’s smile out of his head.

***

Adil liked when he got to work in the kitchen. He loved to cook, and hoped he would eventually get a permanent spot there, even though he also enjoyed working the bar. So when kitchen staff pulled him in for the night, the man was ecstatic. If he could just show what he was capable of, he was sure he could get a regular position in the kitchen, especially since there were whispers the older chef was retiring soon.

But tonight, the Hamiltons were hosting some sort of big dinner. The elder Hamilton twin, Freddie, had arrived a bit after Toby with his wife Emma. Adil didn’t know what the occasion was, and it wasn’t really his place to ask. But they needed more hands in the kitchen and Adil was happy to jump in.

“It’s their anniversary,” one of the other housekeepers helping out had whispered to Adil. “They have a big party every year…everyone knows their marriage is crumbling, but they have to put on a show for all the socialites.”

 _What a miserable way to live_ , Adil thought to himself. He wouldn’t change his life for one of wealth any day.

Adil was asked to work as a waiter as well. He couldn’t deny he was very interested in the type of guests Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton had at this sort of thing.

So he donned a fancy suit and waited along the edge of the room with the handful of other waiters, making sure plates were properly brought out and cleared.

The group was so over the top, it was almost laughable. Women in fancy dresses that probably cost more than Adil made in months, men in suits so perfectly crafted it made Adil’s fancy suit look like rags. It was mostly adults, with the Hamilton twins and their significant others sitting towards the end of the table along with a couple people their age. One of the wonderful things about this job was _watching_. Socialites were fascinating, although they also sort of made Adil sick to his stomach.

He watched the end of the table with the younger people. They all had to be around his age, and yet they were just miniatures of their parents. One day _they’d_ be the ones hosting fancy dinners, wealthy beyond imagination and just as insufferable. Adil watched Freddie and his wife…they definitely looked completely proper, fitting right in.

His eyes drifted to Toby and his boyfriend. Despite their coziness earlier, it almost seemed like they had fought at some point. Adil knew the look…a certain coldness and tension that could have been cut with a knife, red rimmed eyes from crying, or at least trying to hold back tears. Adil was pretty sure no one noticed, not only from the busy surroundings, but the fact that Adil was more perceptive than most people. Especially with this crowd, where most people only cared about themselves.

Under the mask of celebration and happiness, it was an ugly life. Adil could see _that_ for sure.

After dinner, the group retreated to the private sitting room, leaving the staff to clean up. Adil was sent back up with a few others to serve drinks in the sitting room. Again, he watched the crowd. Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton were doing a very good job of not noticing each other, instead socializing with people on either end of the room. “Surely they can see right through it,” Adil mumbled to the maid that had mentioned it was their anniversary dinner earlier.

“Of course they can,” she replied. “But in this world, they have to pretend. In this world, you hide everything that’s wrong. You’ll see.”

Adil really couldn’t imagine living like that. He poured wine and drinks, finally starting to wonder what he had gotten himself into in this hotel.

***

And so the weekend went. The Hamilton family still dined together every night, but no one ever seemed too happy about it. While he worked behind the bar, Adil heard lots of conversation he probably shouldn’t have. But no one paid attention to staff in any room. He was starting to understand some things about the Hamiltons. Freddie was the favorite son, without a doubt. He followed in his father’s footsteps as a high powered lawyer, though his parents had never been thrilled about his relationship with his wife. She was _not_ from a wealthy family, but “allowed” entrance because her father had been an important worker for Mr. Hamilton and the kids had known each other their whole lives. Of course, they all _liked_ Emma, but they had higher hopes for Freddie.

Toby Hamilton was a different story entirely. Apparently he had started toeing the line from a young age, always rebelling against his parents. He had come out at seventeen with his first boyfriend, something neither of his parents really approved off, his father least of all. Adil was learning it wasn’t uncommon to hear Mr. Hamilton berating his son, just short of verbal abuse, really. Some of the things Adil overheard were devastating. His family had always been supportive of his family, and he was grateful for it now more than ever.

Adil liked Toby. Of the whole family, he was the kindest and most down to earth. Perhaps it had been all this time of being rejected by his parents for things he couldn’t help, or that he was smart enough to see the truth to everything. It could have been many things, but whatever it actually was, Adil was actually enjoying him being around.

Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton didn’t pretend for their sons. Their relationship was chilly at the best of times. Toby and Freddie both knew it was all a charade, it was clear in their faces and interactions. Obviously there was nothing they could do.

The night before the twins were set to leave, Adil heard something he truly _knew_ he wasn’t meant to. He had been cleaning up in the lounge when shouting voices came from the living room next door.

“All I ask is that you respect me in this hotel, but apparently that’s too _much_ to ask!”

“He’s my _boyfriend_ , dad! He’s not going to disappear just because you don’t want to see it!”

“You don’t need to bring him here!”

“He’s mine, and I can bring him wherever I damn well please!”

“What an ugly mark on the Hamilton family tree,” Mr. Hamilton sneered before leaving the living room via the lounge. Adil made sure he did his best to blend into the background.

Toby followed into the lounge, looking like he needed a drink. He noticed Adil right away.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, eyes rimmed with red. “That you had to hear that. I can’t imagine any of us are leaving a good impression on you.”

Adil gave a small, concerned smile, pushing a bourbon on the rocks over to the boy. “Not to worry, sir. It’s not an easy life.”

Toby studied Adil for a moment before downing the drink and leaving the room silently, leaving Adil thinking of those green-brown eyes that saw right to his soul.

***

The longer he worked for the Hamiltons, the more of an idea of it all Adil started getting. Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton rarely interacted, taking everything from meals to tea to bed separately. Occasionally he would see Mr. Hamilton smuggling in a younger woman while Mrs. Hamilton wasn’t at the hotel, something that appalled Adil. He couldn’t even imagine being _that_ unhappy in a marriage.

They threw parties for everything. Freddie graduating law school, and a week later, Toby graduating with his Maths degree. Toby’s boyfriend continued to come, but every time Adil saw them together, they looked just as miserable as Toby’s parents.

For some sort of summer celebration, Toby showed up without his boyfriend. Adil knew it wasn’t his place to even _think_ about it, but he couldn’t help the curiosity. Over the months he had been working for the Hamiltons in the hotel, he always enjoyed seeing Toby. The young man was kind and warm, despite his parents. He was always nice to Adil, even holding conversations at the bar with him at times. He was definitely a very smart man, and he challenged Adil, something the man enjoyed. After all, he was just trying to save up to be able to afford uni for himself. No one else saw the brains in him that Toby Hamilton seemed to.

Later that night, Toby and Freddie sat at the bar, talking in low voices, though Adil could hear all of it. “I think it’s better you broke up with him,” Freddie was saying kindly. “He always seemed a…bad seed.”

“I suppose,” Toby sighed. “That doesn’t mean I _wanted_ to. I did love him, Freddie.”

“The way he treated you…just from what you told me.”

“I think I’m pretty much doomed to be alone forever,” Toby said darkly. “I can’t even manage to find a decent boyfriend.”

“Don’t say that, Toby. You’ll find someone wonderful.”

“Easy for you to say. You and Emma loved each other before you even knew what it meant. Why can’t I find someone like that?”

Freddie rubbed his twin’s back. “You knew from the start it was never going to be that easy,” he pointed out. “You should try to find guys in ways other than clubs and dating apps.”

“Where the hell am I going to find a guy other than at a club or with a dating app?” Toby rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know,” Freddie admitted. “School? Mutual friends? Who knows, maybe it’ll just creep up on you when you least suspect it.”

Adil knew he shouldn’t be listening in, but he couldn’t help himself. He understood where Toby was coming from…it wasn’t necessarily easy to just go out and find another gay man to date. Most of the men Adil had picked up were from clubs or dating apps, too. It never worked out…something he wish he could affirm for Toby as he sat there, but he knew it wasn’t his place. He shouldn’t even be listening in on the conversation.

“Right. Just creep up on me when I least suspect it,” Toby repeated cynically. “I know I can be a dreamer, Freddie, but even I’m not _that_ bad.”

With a shrug, Freddie turned back to his drink. “You never know. You’re not a hopeless case, Toby.”

“I feel like it sometimes.”

“Just take a break from it all for a bit. Be single. Do good things for yourself. Things will work out, especially when you least expect it.”

Toby just shrugged, downing his drink. “Maybe you’re right. I suppose it can’t hurt to just…let things happen as they will.”

With his words, Toby’s eyes flickered up to Adil, who blushed slightly and looked down at the bar. Adil had no idea how to interpret that, but he figured he would just let it go for now. But Toby’s eyes were deep and thoughtful, and Adil kept thinking about them through the night.

It was wrong, Adil knew it was, all of it.

But as time progressed, he still went to sleep with Toby Hamilton’s smile in his mind.

***

Working at the Halcyon always came with a story, Adil was learning. He came across some very interesting people working at the bar…overheard some very interesting conversations. Toby frequently showed up at the hotel and would sit at the bar, which Adil found slightly strange, but he would never say anything about it. Sometimes he wondered if _Toby_ enjoyed eavesdropping as much as Adil did.

Quite often, Toby would strike up conversations with Adil. Adil definitely enjoyed those times. Oftentimes, Adil couldn’t understand how Toby had turned out so warm and down to earth with the way his parents were.

“Do you have a girlfriend, Mr. Joshi?” Toby asked one night when the bar was mostly empty.

“No, sir.”

“Why not?”

Adil didn’t need to reveal his sexuality to his boss’s son, even if they shared that much. “No want or need for one, I suppose.”

Toby studied him thoughtfully. “Don’t you get lonely?”

“I prefer not to gauge being alone or not because of a significant other.”

“What about sex?”

Adil chuckled and tried to remember how many drinks he had served Toby that night. “I suppose I do miss that from time to time.”

“I haven’t even been single that long and I already miss _that_.”

It was definitely five or six drinks. “Are you staying here tonight, sir?” Adil asked cautiously.

Toby chuckled. “I suppose. I think I’m too drunk to get home. Unless _you_ wanted to take me home.”

Adil’s breath caught, and he had to remind himself that Toby wouldn’t be saying this stuff if he wasn’t drunk. Not that he sort of wished it otherwise. “How very straightforward of you, sir,” Adil finally said dryly.

With a sly grin, Toby shrugged. “I’m drunk and you’re cute.”

Adil flushed slightly, looking down at the bar. “Perhaps it’s time for you to retire, sir.”

Toby stood up shakily. “I suppose you’re right…” he looked Adil up and down, perhaps with a bit of drunken disappointment. Adil didn’t dare think it was anything but the alcohol speaking. “I do hope they give me a nice room…technically I’m not supposed to do this, but safety and all.”

With a smile and a chuckle, Adil nodded. “I don’t think anyone wishes to see something bad happen to you,” he said with a barman’s soothing tones.

To his surprise, Toby’s face darkened considerably. “I don’t know. Maybe you should tell that to my father.”

Adil wasn’t quite sure what to say to that, so he just gave Toby a reassuring smile. “No matter what you’re relationship is like, he’s still your father. That has to count for something.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Toby said softly. “Thank you, Mr. Joshi. You are an excellent conversationalist, and so kind. I think that’s hard to come by in this world.”

“Everyone deserves someone kind in their life. It is indeed a shame that that’s hard to come by in this world.”

The two caught each other’s eyes, and they just stared for a moment. Adil felt his heart pounding in his chest. “I may be drunk, but I won’t forget that,” Toby said softly. “Thank you again.”

As Adil watched Toby walk away, he silently cursed himself. History was full of servants who fell in love with their masters. It was the sort of thing that never worked out. It _couldn’t_ work out.

But that didn’t mean Adil couldn’t dream about it. And dream about it until he drove himself completely insane. But Toby’s arse looked fantastic in his tight jeans, and Adil couldn’t help but stare.

This couldn’t end well. Especially with Toby’s drunken flirting. The man was going to haunt Adil. The most Adil could hope for was his strong will not letting things go too far. Otherwise, he was pretty much screwed.

What did he really know about Toby Hamilton anyway? Sure, they had had some conversations over the bar, but that was hardly a full picture. And sure, he was able to read a lot about Toby…it was something Adil had picked up working as a bartender…but in the long run, it didn’t hold up for too much.

It was on the tube ride back to his flat that Adil decided he was just going to stay neutral. Not let any of it get to him. Maybe he’d go to a club or something on his next night off…open up some of the dating apps and sites he had stored on his phone and computer. There were tons of men out there…Adil was sure he could find a nice one.

 _God_ …maybe he had just been single for too long.

He did miss some of the things that came along with being in a relationship, even though he hadn’t revealed any of that to Toby. Because Adil _did_ get lonely at times…and he _did_ miss the sex. But all the other things that came along with it. Holding hands and cuddling…sweet, stolen kisses.

It was all so confusing. In some ways, Adil sort of…did want to wait and see if anything could happen with Toby Hamilton. And as Adil lay in his bed that night, unable to sleep, he wished things weren’t so complicated.

Adil would give anything for that.

The man tossed and turned all night, dreams of Toby dominating what little sleep Adil _did_ get.

When he woke up, he didn’t remember a single thing.


	2. THE CHALLENGE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a Sunday night…Adil found himself in a local pub with some of the Halcyon staff. He was finally starting to get to know them, and he was glad. Everyone was ranging between pleasantly tipsy and flat out drunk. But they were all enjoying themselves.
> 
> Tom, one of the other bartenders, was more towards the drunk end when he slung his arm around Adil’s shoulders. “Adil…you’re a gay, right?”
> 
> Not sure where this was going, Adil nodded. “Yes…” he said warily. He had been pacing himself with drinks and was only slightly buzzed.
> 
> “I have a challenge for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, many thanks to my amazing beta reader @SzonKlin. You rock, my friend.
> 
> This is all going somewhere, I swear. XD
> 
> As per usual, the boys and others do not belong to me. I just play with them like dolls. ;)

The death of Lawrence Hamilton was almost as big an affair as his life.

The hotel was filled with mourners, Mrs. Hamilton, Freddie, and Toby in the middle of it all. None of them looked much like grievers, and having worked at the Halcyon hotel for some time, Adil could understand that. But they dressed all in black and put on a show, as they did with everything else in their lives.

With the guests gone, the Hamiltons retired to the sitting room. Adil was put in charge of tea for them, standing at attention outside the door in case he was called back in.

After half an hour or so, he was called in. “Please fetch us the whisky,” Mrs. Hamilton said dryly. “I believe we need something stronger in here.”

Adil nodded. “Of course, ma’m,” he looked over, seeing Toby’s eyes trained on him. Adil felt himself flush slightly, grateful that his dark skin hid it. He brought the whisky in, pouring out three tumblers before returning to his place outside the door.

Shortly after, the door opened and Mrs. Hamilton and Freddie stormed out, completely ignoring Adil as they passed. Toby trailed after, looking at the ground. When he got to where Adil was standing, he stopped and looked up. “Really, though…what is there to grieve?” he asked.

Adil made sure it was just the two of them before speaking. “Pardon me for saying, but your father was a cruel man. Maybe there really _isn’t_ anything to grieve.”

***

Much to Adil’s surprise, Toby moved back into the hotel a week later. He had no idea _why_ , but there were whispers about Mrs. Hamilton being emotionally fragile with the death of her husband and not wanting to be alone in the hotel, despite the fact that it was always quite bustling. It was just another sign that proved to Adil that Toby was a warm and caring person. He didn’t _have_ to pick up his whole life, but he did.

Somehow, Adil found himself constantly crossing paths with Toby. Sometimes he wondered if his employer was following him. Not that Adil minded. Toby was a good and interesting person, and was much kinder to the staff in general than his mother was.

And it just continued that way. Toby seemed to come to Adil for things he needed around the hotel…always sitting on his side of the bar and occasionally asking small favors…but when Adil thought about it, that was just about all they had. Occasionally Toby would talk to him. He’d ask if he’d read a book or seen any good movies recently. _Casual_ …almost _friendly_ stuff. Adil couldn’t say he understood the other man at all, as much as he wanted to.

He just had to keep reminding himself about their places in the world. Even if Toby seemed to forget that from time to time, Adil never could.

***

It was a Sunday night…Adil found himself in a local pub with some of the Halcyon staff. He was finally starting to get to know them, and he was glad. Everyone was ranging between pleasantly tipsy and flat out drunk. But they were all enjoying themselves.

Tom, one of the other bartenders, was more towards the drunk end when he slung his arm around Adil’s shoulders. “Adil…you’re a gay, right?”

Not sure where this was going, Adil nodded. “Yes…” he said warily. He had been pacing himself with drinks and was only slightly buzzed.

“I have a challenge for you.”

Several others snickered. Obviously Tom’s words weren’t impulsive.

“A challenge?”

“Break the employer-staff barrier. Make Toby Hamilton fall in love with you.”

Adil raised his eyebrow. For as nice as Toby was to him…”Impossible,” he finally said.

“You can do it,” Kate, one of the maids, laughed. She was completely smashed. “He already looks at you like he wants you.”

Adil flushed slightly, glad it was hidden both by his dark skin and the dark of the bar. “Regardless. It could never happen.”

“We’ve been trying to find someone for _years_ ,” Billy encouraged drunkenly. “If anyone would fall for a staff member, it’s Toby. We just needed someone bent.”

“We’ll all throw in twenty pounds if you succeed,” Tom said slyly. There was a mix of mumbles of dissent and agreement.

“Fine,” Adil finally said. “I will _try_ to make Toby Hamilton fall in love with me.”

The group cheered. Adil was instantly regretting it. But he realized, with a sinking feeling in his stomach, _why_ he had agreed to the challenge.

Adil already had some feelings for his employer.

The rest of the night passed, but Adil couldn’t remember most of it. Not from the beer, but just from being stuck in his own head.

He barely remembered getting to the tube or his flat. Adil mechanically pulled on pyjamas and got into his bed.

It felt like an eternity he just stared at the ceiling, sleep evading him.

Adil’s last thought before he drifted off was that he was a giant fucking idiot.

***

Toby came into the bar the next night looking uncharacteristically subdued.

“Something troubling you, sir?” Adil poured a bourbon and passed it over.

“Just a fight with mum,” Toby shrugged. “She still thinks me being gay is a phase. I don’t suppose you know anything about that.”

“‘Fraid not,” Adil said. “My family was very supportive when I came out.”

“You’re gay?” Toby blurted out before flushing deeply and looking down at the bar. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine, sir,” Adil said reassuringly. “I _did_ bring it up.”

Toby looked up, smiling sadly. “Freddie and Emma are supportive, at least. It’s just mum, trying to throw women at me every chance she gets. And it’s just worse when I’m single,” he slid his empty glass back to Adil. “Another, please.”

Adil poured the drink. “The important part is that you remain true to yourself, sir,” he passed the glass back over. As he did so, Toby’s fingers covered Adil’s. The two locked eyes.

“Toby!”

Their gaze broke as Freddie came into the bar. “Hey, Freddie,” Toby quickly moved his fingers. “I didn’t realize you were stopping by.”

“Emma and I were heading to dinner and mum called about me having to handle something of father’s. Thought I’d say hi…I figured you’d be here after mum mentioned you two had fought.”

“Of course,” Toby rolled his eyes.

“The usual stuff?”

“What else? She’ll be to blame if I become a raging alcoholic.”

“Stop dating assholes. Find someone nice to settle down with.”

Toby shrugged and looked down, running his finger along the rim of his glass. “It’s not for lack of trying, Freddie.”

Freddie softened. “I know, Toby. It’ll happen,” he patted his brother’s shoulder. “Emma is waiting…do you want to get dinner with us?”

“No thanks. You go have a nice night. I’ll text later.”

“Okay, Toby.”

“Give Emma my love.”

When Freddie was gone, Toby turned back to Adil. “I don’t _mean_ to date assholes. They just…all turn out to be.”

“I understand, sir.”

“You don’t have to keep calling me ‘sir’. It’s fine to just call me Toby. Especially when no one else is around.”

“I don’t want to get in trouble, sir,” Adil chuckled. “I like this job too much.”

Toby smiled and laughed. “I suppose that’s fair. My mother would probably pitch a fit. Though she probably would anyway if she knew I was having a casual conversation with staff.”

“Oh…my apologies. I’ll just-”

“It’s fine,” Toby smiled reassuringly. “I’m enjoying speaking with you, Mr. Joshi. You…understand.”

Adil smiled. “I know it’s not always easy finding someone who does understand,” he chuckled. “But barmen _do_ make excellent listeners,” he teased.

“And secret keepers, I hear,” Toby laughed.

“Yes,” Adil laughed. “It’s in the job description.”

“Perhaps it’ll actually be _you_ to blame if I become a raging alcoholic,” Toby teased with a wink as he stood. “I’ll see you later, Mr. Joshi.”

Adil nodded with a smile. Maybe Tom’s challenge wouldn’t be as impossible as he had initially thought.

***

It was a summer night when Adil went down to the wine cellar, only to find Toby Hamilton sitting against a wall with a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes. The bottle was already half empty, and Toby seemed distant.

Adil knelt down before him. “Shall I fetch someone, sir?”

“Oh _God_ , no,” Toby frowned. “I don’t think I can stand to be around people at the moment…” Toby took another swig of wine, offering the bottle to Adil who just shook his head. “I just found out Danny was cheating on me for months before we broke up.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, sir.”

Toby hiccuped. “Please don’t call me sir. I really do hate it.”

Adil nodded and sat beside Toby, knowing he had a few minutes to spare before he was expected with the wine. “Would you like to…talk?”

Turning his head to look at Adil, Toby’s eyebrows furrowed. “Talk?”

“You know, sir… _Toby_. Get it off your chest. A sympathetic ear and all…”

Adil was starting to think that no one had ever really done that for Toby. Obviously his family hadn’t, but maybe he didn’t even have _friends_ like that. Toby was looking like no one had _ever_ asked him about his feelings. And it broke Adil’s heart. His family was so drastically different, and he could talk to them about anything. Even the few friends he had would always offer a shoulder to cry on.

“I guess…” Toby looked lost, like he wasn’t even sure what he was doing. He took another swig of wine. “Not that things hadn’t been bad for awhile before. We were fighting all the time, and just…growing distant. But I’d never think he would…well, one of my friends finally confessed to me that he knew about it. Apparently, it had been going on for months…and _most_ of our friends knew,” a sob bubbled up from Toby’s chest. “He was just playing with me the whole time…enjoying my misery…and no one thought to…” He took another long swig of the wine and lit a cigarette. “I loved him, Mr. Joshi. And he didn’t love me back. I’m pretty sure he _never_ loved me.”

Uncertain of what exactly to do, Adil hesitantly rubbed Toby’s back. At first, Toby seemed to start at the contact, but after a moment, he let out a soft sigh, letting Adil attempt to comfort him. “He sounds cruel. And unreciprocated love is never easy. You’ll be better off without that toxicity in your life.”

“You would know?”

“I’ve been through it, too.”

Multiple times, really. Adil could be quite an emotional person, and emotional people were often easily manipulated. The man was starting to think he and Toby had at least that much in common.

“Perhaps my father is right. I’m an ugly mark on the Hamilton family tree.”

“You should never think that. You can’t help who you are…who you love,” Adil figured if he was doing this, he should go all out. “We’re emotional beings, Toby. And people are always going to take advantage of that.”

Toby took a long drag of his cigarette, staring at Adil and trying to sort through the words. Adil was almost afraid he was going to get scolded for saying such a thing…perhaps even completely dismissed from the Halcyon. But Toby took another sip of wine and gave a sad smile. “That’s what my therapist said. About being an emotional person and being manipulated. I just…didn’t see it.”

“We rarely do,” Adil glanced at his watch. “I have to go…will you be alright?”

Again, Toby looked like it was an anomaly for someone to ask if he’d be alright. “Yes, yes of course, Mr. Joshi. I’ll stumble my way up at some point,” he looked down and added darkly, “It’s not as if I’ve never done this before.”

“Very well,” Adil gave a reassuring smile. “Please let me know if you need anything.”

Toby smiled weakly. “Thank you.”

As he climbed the stairs with the bottle of wine, Adil tried to figure out what had just happened. He had never thought he’d find himself in a situation like that…but Toby had needed someone, and Adil had just happened to be in the right place at the right time. He thought about how wrecked the other man had looked, half drunk and dealing on his own. Had he even done the right thing, telling Toby to let him know if there was anything he might need? Toby was a wealthy son of wealthy socialites, and Adil was just help around the hotel. There were a million ways this could turn against him.

Perhaps he could just hope that Toby was too drunk to remember any of it. That seemed like the best case scenario. Staff shouldn’t have anything to do with their employer’s personal affairs. And although Adil liked to think Toby wasn’t _entirely_ like that, he could still have Adil fired with a single word.

The thought terrified him. Yes, hopefully Toby had been too drunk. Adil was sure he’d remember bits and pieces…but hopefully not enough to have him kicked out of the Halcyon Hotel. Because Adil really _was_ starting to _like_ the job here…not to mention he was pretty close to getting into the kitchen. The pay was good…and it wasn’t like Adil was going to be here forever or anything.

Above all, Adil was wondering how the _hell_ he could try and make Toby fall in love with him after this in good faith. It would make him just as manipulative as all the other men who had ever hurt Toby. It didn’t take much time at all for Adil to decide he would go to everyone and tell them the challenge was off. He’d find some excuse for it, but he would never do that.

Not anymore.

***

Adil couldn’t deny that he was expecting to get fired after all that. He had interfered with one of his employers, been casual and blurred the line between staff and employer. And he was certainly cursing himself for it. Even though he had no idea what Toby remembered from that night, there was definitely a chance it was enough to have him dismissed.

Besides, Toby had shown his weak and vulnerable side to Adil. There was a good chance he didn’t want someone knowing his secrets…a member of _staff_ knowing his secrets especially which could also be grounds for dismissal. Every day, Adil got to work with fear in the pit of his stomach that this was going to be his last day.

But it had also awoken something in Adil. Probably _because_ it was a moment of vulnerability. He had slowly been allowing feelings he shouldn’t feel regarding Toby Hamilton, and this nearly pushed him over the edge. Of course he was going to cancel the “challenge”, but that didn’t mean he was going to leave it be for good. Maybe there _would_ be a chance he could be with Toby.

It was completely absurd, and Adil knew it. But as the days passed and he wasn’t dismissed, he started wondering if maybe there was _some_ chance.

Of course, Toby had been completely plastered, so maybe that was why Adil hadn’t been fired. Maybe he didn’t remember all of it, or any of it. Deep inside, Adil almost wished he remembered it. What Adil had done to help him through. That had to mean something, right?

***

Once again, Adil joined the usual group of staff at the usual pub on a Sunday night. He was starting to get used to the chaos of these outings, the group with varying levels of intoxication. And though he could understand why some of them enjoyed getting thoroughly pissed, that just wasn’t Adil’s nature. Working at the Halcyon wasn’t always easy, the man knew that well by now, but getting drunk was nothing more than a bandaid.

Adil wasn’t sure how he would bring up that he would _not_ be making Toby Hamilton fall in love with him as a challenge…he was definitely hoping someone would bring it up. And without fail, when Tom was nearing stumbling drunk, he nudged Adil.

“So how is _the challenge_ going?”

Adil gave a tight smile, nursing his beer. “I’ve decided I can’t do it.”

There were various groans of disappointment.

“Come on, man! Why not?” Billy pressed.

Obviously Adil couldn’t give the real reason as to why he was giving it up, but he hadn’t even thought to think of an excuse for it. Now he was wishing he had been more prepared. He should have known that someone would ask about it.

“It’s wrong,” Adil finally said. “I was a little too intoxicated when I agreed to it…” the man was banking on the hope that no one remembered he was barely tipsy when he agreed to it. “And now that I’ve thought about it _sober_ …it just seems morally wrong. I just can’t.”

Adil knew he was being studied by the group…they were trying to pick apart everything he was saying…it was taking a bit, especially for the more inebriated members of the party. “It’s all in fun, Adil,” Tom finally said.

“Well I don’t think it’s _fun_ to toy with someone’s feelings like that.”

Especially not after the conversations Adil and Toby had had. Toby had been through enough. If he was going to fall in love with Adil, it would be because he _wanted_ to…not because Adil had manipulated him to do so.

Adil silently rebuked himself. Toby wasn’t going to fall in love with him at all. But he still refused to take advantage of Toby when the man was already rather fragile.

He couldn’t say any of this. He couldn’t tell the staff about the conversation he had had with Toby Hamilton.

“Well…if you’re sure,” Tom raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sure. I swear it.”

“Then I suppose it’s off,” Kate said, sounding rather put off.

“It is,” Adil said softly, taking a sip of his beer. He felt a bit better about it all, knowing he wasn’t expected to make Toby Hamilton fall in love with him. His fellow staff members who had put him up to it could be as let down as they wanted, but Adil knew he was doing the right thing.

There was a nagging voice in the back of his head, hoping that everyone remembered him going back on the “challenge” when they woke up the next morning. There was still the potential for issues arising from it all. But Adil felt like there was a great weight lifted from his shoulders for cancelling it all.

Of course, he wasn’t entirely sure why he agreed to it in the first place. But at least it was over with now.

***

So many thoughts were ruminating in Adil’s mind. He wasn’t sure how to make sense of any of them. He had to get out, he had to do something. Something away from his coworkers at the hotel, something just on his own. Away from all of it.

Adil wasn’t a big club person, but sometimes he was okay with going…dancing with guys, maybe pick someone up. He wasn’t a huge fan of casual fucks, but maybe he needed something like that. Something to get Toby Hamilton out of his head. Maybe he’d even find a nice guy that was looking for more. It had definitely been a damn long time since Adil had been in a relationship.

He was starting to think maybe he could use something like that.

And since he had the night off, Adil was feeling more game to go out. It had been awhile since he had just…gone out. He sort of craved some…anonymity.

And perhaps the chance to forget.

Decision made, Adil was feeling better about the whole mess with Toby. What he was or wasn’t getting himself into. Just a night out dancing. Just a night out to forget…even if only for the night.

***

Adil dressed himself in a dark red silk tanktop and tight jeans. There was a gay bar a couple blocks from his flat, his place of choice when he _did_ go out. The walk was easy, and Adil made his way up the stairs and to the dance floor. He got a beer from the bar and just watched for a bit from a barstool. As usual, the club didn’t disappoint…there were plenty of gorgeous men there. Just as Adil was about to stand up and find someone to dance with, he found a hand extended to him.

“Can I have this dance?” Toby Hamilton asked with a sly smile.

Adil felt like everything he had planned on completely shattered. He was supposed to be _escaping_ Toby.

But seeing Toby, dressed in a black button down with the sleeves rolled up and his usual tight jeans, Adil knew he could never say no.

He took Toby’s hand and stood. “So how drunk are you?” Adil teased as Toby lead him to the dance floor.

“Not very,” Toby laughed. “I’ve only had two beers. Child’s play.”

“Child’s play, of course,” Adil chuckled, letting Toby lead him.

“Do you come here often?”

“Not terribly so. But it’s just a few blocks from my apartment, so when I do come out, it’s here.”

“Funny running into you here,” Toby beamed, pressing his body flush against Adil’s.

Adil blushed. “Very unexpected… _sir_ ,” he teased.

Toby laughed. “Well, _Mr. Joshi_ …I’m glad I did run into you here.”

Adil tried to figure out what that meant. Sure, they had flirted enough, he supposed…but being outside of the hotel was something completely different. All of a sudden, it wasn’t Toby Hamilton, one of the owners of the hotel, and Adil, the barman. They were in…well, neutral territory, Adil supposed. They didn’t have to play their usual parts.

“What are you thinking about?” Toby asked curiously.

“Just that it’s a bit strange to be here dancing with you rather than serving you drinks,” Adil answered honestly.

Toby’s hands were firm on Adil’s waist, Adil’s around Toby’s shoulders. “I don’t know…” Toby beamed. “I’m kind of liking it.”

“I kind of am, too,” Adil laughed.

Although he knew he was supposed to _not_ be thinking about Toby Hamilton, this was messing up _everything_. How the hell could Adil serve him drinks when he knew what it felt like to be dancing like this with Toby. Feeling Toby’s breath on his face, their bodies pressed together. It was a fantasy come true.

Adil was supposed to be getting over Toby Hamilton.

This was _not_ getting over Toby Hamilton.

The two locked eyes as they danced, dark in the dim light of the club. Neither was letting go of the other…and it was like the entire world was quiet except for the two of them. Their pounding hearts and heavy breathing.

And then Toby was leaning down, pressing his lips to Adil’s. Adil’s brain short circuited. Toby’s lips were warm. He tasted like cinnamon and beer and cigarettes, and Adil was pretty sure he had never tasted anything so enticing. They continued to dance, the kiss growing deeper. Toby ran his tongue along Adil’s bottom lip and Adil parted his lips, letting Toby’s tongue in.

All his dreaming could never stack up to what kissing Toby was actually like.

Adil’s arms tightened around Toby’s neck, pulling them impossibly close. The kiss went on.

All of a sudden, Toby pulled back, eyes wide. “Oh God…I’m so sorry, I just-”

“Toby, it’s fine.”

“I shouldn’t have…”

Adil’s heart dropped. Toby hadn’t meant anything by it. It was just a kiss in the heat of the moment. Although he didn’t want to admit it, that stung. All this time he had been chasing after dreams of Toby Hamilton…thinking that Toby was maybe even interested in him. He almost wanted to laugh…what the hell was he thinking? It would always be Toby Hamilton, one of the owners of the hotel, and Adil, the barman.

“Seriously, Toby…don’t-”

Toby untangled himself from Adil. With a look that Adil couldn’t understand, he watched Toby disappear into the crowd.

Adil took the steps back down two at a time, cursing himself the whole way. Out in the fresh air, he leaned against the brick wall of the building, trying to collect himself. Tears were stinging at the corners of his eyes, and as he walked home, just wanting to escape from what was supposed to be his escape, he couldn’t help the tears starting to fall.

He was an idiot. A complete and total idiot.

As if there could ever be anything more for him. There was always going to be a wrench thrown in things. Adil tried to process…thinking about Toby reaching out his hand. The way they danced, moved together so naturally. And that kiss… _God_ that kiss. Adil had never been kissed like that before.

Did Toby feel the spark, too? Was that why he freaked out? Or was it because Adil was _staff_?

This was playing with his head so much. Adil was almost wondering if he should leave the Halcyon. Not that that would get Toby out of his head, but at least he wouldn’t see him. Of course, that would be admitting defeat, something Adil refused to do.

He would keep going, let things play out. He supposed he never knew…Toby could surprise him yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for all the kudos and comments! They make a person happy.


	3. THE RELATIONSHIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was wrong. But how could something that felt so right be wrong? Maybe Toby really didn't care about all the divides between the two of them. Because it wasn’t like it was a problem for Adil the way it was for Toby. Adil would not want to see Mrs. Hamilton’s face when she found out her son was carrying on with staff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, many thanks to my amazing beta reader @SzonKlin! Such a big help!
> 
> Turning points and all.
> 
> The boys (and others) are still not mine. Sad. At least I can play.

Adil was grabbing wine bottles from the stores when he heard someone clear their throat. He looked up to see Toby awkwardly standing there.

“Is everything okay, sir?”

“I just wanted to…wanted to…er…apologize. For the other night.”

“It’s fine, sir. I suppose these things happen in the heat of the moment.”

“I just…you’re always so kind to me. And I guess I just…in my head, I just-”

Adil shrugged, trying to make it seem like he wasn’t hurting from it all. “We all have our places in this world. Our…roles. Where we belong.”

“Adil, it wasn’t about that.”

“Then what was it about?” Adil tried his hardest not to sound cruel, but Toby flinched back anyway.

The two faced off, Adil trying to stay determined and mask his hurt and Toby looking contrite.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” Toby admitted. “But I knew I…couldn’t.”

“Of course.”

“But you were kissing me back.”

“Perhaps I’ve been wanting that to happen for a long time, too” Adil admitted.

Toby was getting closer to him…and before Adil really realized what was happening, Toby had closed the remaining gap and was kissing Adil, gently, but filled with emotion. It was even more amazing and intense than their kiss in the club…meaningful and filled with promises, making his head spin…his whole world spin.

Toby pulled back and looked at Adil, slightly terrified. “I’m sorry, Mr. Joshi…I just-”

Standing on his tiptoes, Adil kissed Toby feather lightly. “Don’t apologize,” he whispered against the other man’s lips.

Toby gave him a blinding smile before leaning in to kiss him again.

It was wrong. But how could something that felt so _right_ be _wrong_? Maybe Toby really _didn’t_ care about all the divides between the two of them. Because it wasn’t like it was a problem for Adil the way it was for Toby. Adil would not want to see Mrs. Hamilton’s face when she found out her son was carrying on with _staff_.

Toby pulled back, eyes searching Adil’s face. “I don’t care that you’re staff and I’m…” he waved his hands about. “I _really_ like you. And…if you’ll have me…”

Adil smiled and nodded. “I would like that.”

“I know it’s not going to be easy, but you’re worth it, Adil.”

Adil felt his stomach drop. He had told everyone the last time they went out that he was dropping the “challenge”, but when they inevitably heard about this…

He would just have to warn Toby about it at some point.

“I have to go bring this wine up,” Adil finally said. “They’ll be wanting it.”

“Of course. When are you off tonight?”

“Eleven.”

“I’ll meet you after. We’ll go for a drink and have an _actual_ first date.”

Adil laughed. “Sounds like a plan, Toby.”

Adil liked the way Toby’s name tasted, now that he felt it was acceptable to call him _Toby_ and not _sir_. Maybe he always had and just didn’t have to bury it under professionalism anymore.

They’d still have to behave in the hotel, but ‘playing their roles’ would take on an entirely new meaning.

Toby pressed a light kiss to Adil’s lips. “See you at eleven,” he beamed.

“See you at eleven,” Adil beamed right back.

***

The bar they ended up at was a small and quiet place a few blocks from the Halcyon.

“I figured this would be nicer than the club,” Toby laughed. “We’ll actually be able to hear each other talk without shouting.”

“It definitely works better for that,” Adil laughed as they brought their drinks back to a corner booth. They sat beside each other, arms touching.

Adil hadn’t felt this way for someone in a long time. In some ways, he hadn’t _let_ himself…telling himself he had to concentrate on _this_ or worry about _that_. But somewhere along the line, Toby had brought something out in him. Something Adil had forgotten was there.

They talked naturally with no awkward silences. Toby seemed fascinated by everything Adil had to say, and Adil certainly felt the same. Toby was ridiculously interesting, in ways Adil could never have seen just at the bar. And he was a wonderful storyteller. Of course, there were moments that Adil took to just stare at the man. His hazel eyes, the fringe of hair that always seemed to fall into his eyes. He smiled a lot…Toby had a brilliant smile.

Adil was starting to feel like he could just stare forever.

“Do you like bartending?” Toby also asked a lot of questions.

“I do…but I don’t want to do it forever. I do want to go to uni. I just can’t afford it just yet.”

“What do you want to study?”

Adil shrugged. “I have a lot of interests. I’ll probably take a bunch of intro classes and decide from there.”

Toby studied him. “You’ll be brilliant in whatever you choose.”

Adil blushed slightly. “Thank you. What do you want to do with your Maths degree?”

“Research, I think. I think I’d make a pretty rubbish teacher.”

“You have the presence of one,” Adil teased.

Toby laughed. “I definitely don’t know about that.”

And that was how their conversation went…comfortably from one topic to the next. And when Adil looked at his watch, he was shocked to see it was past two in the morning.

Adil didn’t ever want this to end.

“I should probably get back to my flat,” Adil sighed. “I’m in early tomorrow.”

“Shit,” Toby laughed as he looked at his phone. “Time flies. Get home, Cinderella.”

Adil handed his phone over. “Stop teasing and put your number in,” he chuckled.

“No glass slippers?” Toby teased. “I’ll miss you.”

Adil rolled his eyes. “You’ll see me tomorrow.”

“You mean later today.”

Adil snorted. “Yes, later today.”

“Do you live far?”

“Not really. Just a couple stops on the tube or a twenty-minute walk. I think the tube has stopped running by now.”

“Text me when you get home safe.”

“Yes, sir.”

The two shared a kiss outside the bar, then another, then another. Neither wanted to part.

“Until tomorrow,” Toby mumbled against Adil’s lips.

“You mean later today,” Adil teased.

Toby laughed. “Shut up and get home safe.”

The shared a final kiss before they branched off.

Adil couldn’t help but wonder how two people could find something so damn wonderful.

***

It was a relatively tame night in the Halcyon bar. Adil kept finding himself with nothing to do. He hated when it got like this…some people might enjoy the downtime, but Adil just got restless and nervously fidgety.

Around nine, Toby and Mrs. Hamilton came into the bar. Adil wasn’t sure what to do…he and Toby hadn’t discussed this. Much to Adil’s surprise, Toby marched right up to the bar, grabbed Adil’s jacket lapels and kissed him deeply.

He pulled back with a satisfied smirk.

“ _Toby_!” Adil hissed, blushing.

“I like going for the shock factor,” Toby said slyly.

Mrs. Hamilton’s jaw was on the floor. She looked like she was at a complete loss for words. “Toby!” she finally exclaimed.

“Mother…my boyfriend, Adil Joshi.”

“The _barman_?”

“The barman.”

Mrs. Hamilton stared harshly at her son. “This is entirely inappropriate,” she finally hissed. “How could you…I mean…as if the others weren’t bad enough…”

“I’m not going to deny chemistry,” Toby said steadfastly. “I will date whoever I choose to,” he turned to Adil, a sly smile on his face. “Two martinis, _darling_.”

Adil chuckled under his breath. “You are _far_ too dramatic,” he mumbled as he made the drinks.

“Maybe a little,” Toby raised an eyebrow roguishly.

“I’m blaming you if your mother has me fired.”

“She won’t. Her flare for dramatics rivals mine, that’s all.”

Toby took the drinks with a wink and ushered his mother over to a table. Adil kept an eye on them as the night progressed. He couldn’t deny he was _slightly_ worried about losing his job, thought he knew Toby wouldn’t stand for that. And he knew by now that Mrs. Hamilton would never like _anyone_ her son dated…unless he magically turned straight.

Every so often, Adil would catch Mrs. Hamilton looking at him with cold eyes. They were devoid of anything but ice, and it made Adil feel _extremely_ uncomfortable.

Toby must have noticed at some point…in Adil’s peripheral vision, he saw his boyfriend lean in and say something to her, making her sit up even straighter.

The ice glares stopped, though. Adil often felt Toby’s warm gaze on him, though. _That_ one he definitely didn’t mind.

Around ten-thirty, Mrs. Hamilton got up elegantly. She threw a glance at Adil as she passed the bar on her way out. Adil knew he couldn’t let it get to him, so he just pretended he hadn’t noticed. A minute later, Toby came to sit at the bar, grinning at Adil.

“She’s not going to sack you,” he promised. “I mean, she’s not happy about it all, but it’s not like we’re living in the forties or something.”

“Homosexuality was illegal in the forties anyway,” Adil chuckled. He passed over a bourbon, Toby’s fingers trailing over his as he took the drink. “Don’t go making a scene at the bar again,” he mock scolded.

Toby smiled nonchalantly. “It’s not my fault the barman is _delicious_ and I had to kiss him when I saw him.”

“Don’t you dare pin this on me,” Adil laughed. The bar and lounge was mostly empty…enough so that Adil was okay with this conversation.

“I suppose you can’t help that you have the face of an angel.”

Adil felt himself blush. That seemed to be happening a lot recently. For whatever Toby had been through with prior boyfriends, he was extremely warm and complimentary with Adil. _Sweet nothings_ , Adil thought. _Kind, warm sweet nothings_.

Toby Hamilton deserved only the best. And Adil was going to work his hardest to give that to him.

“Rubbish,” Adil laughed.

“Hardly. When is your next day off?”

“Monday, I believe.”

“Wonderful. We’ll do dinner. There’s this great place near Hyde Park…I’ll take you there,” Toby beamed.

Adil couldn’t help but smile as well. “It’s a date.”

Toby downed the rest of his drink and kissed Adil lightly. “See you tomorrow, darling,” he said as he got up, grinning widely at Adil.

“See you tomorrow,” Adil laughed.

He watched as Toby left the bar. This was all so strange, but Adil couldn’t help but appreciate every second of it. It was enough to make him forget the “challenge”. In the back of his mind, the man knew he needed to bring it up eventually, but for now, he was just going to not worry about it. What harm could come of it anyway?

***

Adil was grabbing his stuff from his locker when Tom came up beside him. “Oh, hey, Tom. I thought you left a bit ago.”

“I forgot something in my locker…had to come back and get it. Say, Adil…”

“Hmm?”

“I thought you had given up on our challenge.”

Adil figured he should have expected this. Eventually the staff would hear about him and Toby, or see him and Toby, or anything like that. It would come up, and Adil would have to explain everything. He hadn’t thought about how he would do it…in retrospect, he should have planned something, so he wouldn’t have to explain on the spot.

Too late for that.

“I _did_ give up on your challenge,” Adil finally said. “This…just happened. Toby and I got together mutually. It had nothing to do with me manipulating or seducing him.”

Tom raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. It had nothing to do with the challenge.”

Tom looked extremely skeptical, and Adil had no idea how to properly convince him. “Toby Hamilton just wanted to be with you?”

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“A bit,” Tom chuckled. “You’re not just saying all this?”

“Tom…when I took the challenge, you guys offered me money and so much more if I succeeded. Does it look like I’m asking for the money you bet me, or the glory of manipulating Toby to fall for me? I swear I wouldn’t lie about something like this.”

“Well, none of us were really sure…”

“Does _everyone_ know already?” Adil raised an eyebrow.

“Word travels fast around here. And plenty of people saw that big kiss he graced you with earlier.”

Adil sighed. “It has nothing to do with the challenge. You must believe me.”

Tom still didn’t look too sure, but he finally shrugged. “I guess. But…”

“But?”

“Well, I guess we’ll see what happens. Maybe you can manage anyway. We’d still give you the money,” he laughed.

“I don’t want the money,” Adil said flatly. “I want everyone to forget about the challenge and leave me in peace.”

Tom looked rather shocked. “You really are serious about this.”

“Exactly how much convincing do you need?”

“It’s not exactly easy to believe. You would be making a lot off of this.”

Adil slammed the door to his locker a little harder than necessary. “Well believe it. And tell everybody else to believe it as well,” he spun on his heel. “Have a good night, Tom. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As he headed to the tube station, Adil hoped his talk with Tom meant this was all behind them. It was a silly challenge anyway. A _cruel_ one. Honestly, Adil wasn’t entirely sure why he said he would do it in the first place…aside from his initial budding feelings for Toby. But everything was different now…in _such_ a good way.

Going to sleep with Toby Hamilton’s smile in his mind had taken on a whole new meaning.

***

The restaurant Toby took Adil to was nice. Not overly fancy, but not completely casual. There was dim lighting and fresh flowers on the tables…it was perfect for a date.

Again, the conversation was good and came naturally to both of them. Toby and Adil remained completely at ease, something Adil had never really experienced before. Not like this, anyway. He loved how Toby talked…how his hands would move about when he got excited about something. How passionate he was about all the things in his life…studying Maths and being around people.

Toby Hamilton had a big personality. Adil was much more low key. They fit together perfectly.

“So what are some of your interests that you might want to study?”

Adil smiled. It was so amazing that Toby cared enough to bring up something that had only been mentioned briefly. He _remembered_. “Well…I do like cooking, so I’m considering culinary school. But…I also like psychology and political science. And hospitality…I think it would be nice to have a place of my own someday. There’s just so much to choose from!”

Toby laughed. “I guess I got pretty lucky there. I always knew Maths was my calling. I think you’d be brilliant at all of those things, though. You have the attitude and personality.”

Adil wasn’t sure about that one, but he chuckled anyway. “I guess we’ll see when I get there.”

“I think it’s brilliant that you have so many interests. You’re so…well rounded.”

Adil rolled his eyes. “More like I’m so indecisive.”

Toby laughed. “I suppose you could look at it that way, too.”

Adil looked down…this wasn’t the type of thing that he typically shared with people. Not even his family really knew where all his interests laid. But it felt natural with Toby…Adil knew he wasn’t going to be scoffed at…told that he just had to make up his mind. Not that it mattered at this point, as the man still had some ways to go until he could even think about uni. And even though his parents had offered to help as much as they could, Adil knew they still had times where they could barely scrape by. Adil would have to do all that on his own.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Just uni and all,” Adil shrugged. “Hoping I can afford it sooner rather than later.”

Toby stared at Adil with a slight frown. “I’m sorry. I talk about it like it was nothing…I can’t even imagine having to work that hard for it. Please excuse my thoughtless entitlement.”

Adil’s heart was close to bursting. Toby didn’t have to apologize for that. They both knew there was a class difference, but the fact that Toby was owning his entitlement was something Adil would never expect to see. “You don’t have to apologize,” Adil said with a slight smile. “We both know the differences there. It doesn’t bother me.”

“Is your family supportive?”

Adil smiled. “Very much so. We don’t necessarily have much, but my parents have always made sure we live with dignity and integrity. I’m grateful for that.”

“You said they were accepting when you came out.”

Adil nodded. “They were. They didn’t care, and still don’t. They want me to be happy, and if I get that from a man, they’ll still love me and support me and what I have. What I am.”

Toby looked sadly pensive for a moment. “That’s very lucky,” he finally said softly.

“It is. And it’s something I will _never_ take for granted,” Adil reached across the table, taking Toby’s hand.

Toby smiled warmly, squeezing Adil’s hand lightly. “I’m glad I do have people that support me. Even if my mother never will. And now I have you.”

Adil flushed slightly, smiling widely. “I will never let you down, Toby Hamilton. I swear it.”

There was a slight tugging in the back of Adil’s head. He should tell Toby about the challenge. But now wasn’t the time…Adil figured he would know the right time when it came. In the meantime, he was just enjoying his time out with Toby. On a nice date, holding hands like this…their hands fit together perfectly, like puzzle pieces. Adil couldn’t help but wonder…if holding hands fit this well, what would everything else down the line be like?

The meal progressed just as naturally as it had started. The two men chatted over food and wine, everything from light talk to deeper subjects. Adil had never felt this way about any man he had dated…especially not this early on in a relationship. He knew it wouldn’t be long before he fell head over heels for Toby Hamilton.

After a brief fight over the check, they agreed to split it. Adil couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Toby wanting to be a proper gentleman. He supposed it was in the man’s blood, and his upbringing. But here, away from the Halcyon, there was no class separation. Adil and Toby were equals…just two people on a date. There was no barrier…Adil behind the bar and Toby ordering fancy drinks to entertain fancy people.

“What are you smiling about?” Toby raised his eyebrow.

Adil chuckled. “You. Us. How you want to do things ‘right’ the way you were brought up to. And the fact that we get to be a normal couple. Not the wealthy Mr. Hamilton and the barman Mr. Joshi.”

“Equals,” Toby said with a soft laugh. “I wish it could be like that all the time.”

“We all have our place in the world.”

“You keep saying that, but look at how the lines are blurred now. Things are changing, Adil. I know you’re behind the bar for now, but it won’t always be like that. And you make me feel…like a real person. Not just some socialite.”

“You are _far_ from a socialite,” Adil laughed. “I think you always have been.”

“Well I _have_ found a boyfriend who’s not an asshole.”

Adil smiled. “I suppose there is that much.”

As they walked, they passed a bar nearby the restaurant that had a live band playing. Toby dragged Adil over. “This place has great music. Let’s get a drink.”

Adil couldn’t say no…something he was wondering would be happening a lot with Toby. They paid their cover charge, going in. The place was small and not over crowded like a lot of the bars in the area tended to be. The band was playing in the corner, and after getting their drinks, the two men went onto the floor, free hands holding tight to each other.

“I used to come here with…” Toby trailed off, looking down. “Sorry, I didn’t…I just…I always liked this bar…” he let out a sad laugh. “Danny didn’t though. He always said it wasn’t his style.”

“Well _I_ like it,” Adil said with a reassuring smile. “I’d take something like this over a club any day.”

Toby and Adil had a few drinks each before realizing the time. As always, time with Toby just seemed to fly by. He was the best company Adil had had in a long time. They had eventually moved to the bar where it was a bit quieter, having fun making up stories about various people in the bar.

Adil loved Toby’s imagination. And he had one hell of one for someone so mathematically inclined.

As they left the bar, hand in hand, Toby looked slyly over at Adil.

“That look scares me,” Adil laughed.

“Come back to my room with me.”

Adil raised an eyebrow. “Toby…”

“We don’t have to do anything,” Toby said quickly. “I mean…I think going at a slower pace would be…best. I don’t think I’ve ever been like that, but you’re too special to rush things.”

Adil blushed slightly. “I think slower sounds good.”

Toby pressed a light kiss to Adil’s lips. “I just don’t want to say goodnight just yet. We can get some room service and just…talk.”

Toby Hamilton would never stop surprising Adil. In the best way possible, of course. It was a big step, Toby inviting Adil into his space, even if it was just for drinks and talking. But with it clear that there would be nothing sexual involved, it seemed safe enough.

Besides, despite the hour, Adil wasn’t ready to say goodnight, either.

They walked hand in hand back to the Halcyon, still chatting about everything and nothing. As often was the case, Adil was struck by how interesting Toby was…even though he got the feeling Toby didn’t see that about himself. Adil liked the way Toby talked…everything he said was full of life and passion. He was a big personality now that he didn’t have to deal with his father and abusive boyfriends. Very different from the Toby Hamilton Adil had first met. And more and more, he was coming to appreciate the fact that Toby was coming out of his shell…and Adil was pretty sure he had a part to play in that.

He loved the way Toby enunciated everything with his hands…or hand, in this case, as one was still holding tightly to Adil’s. The cadence of his voice…how he’d get slightly louder when he was talking about something more exciting to him. The sarcastic but warm tone he had when he talked about his friends. The way his voice was filled with warmth and tenderness whenever he was speaking about Adil.

There was a lot to learn about Toby. Adil had never been more excited to be along for such a ride.

When they reached the Halcyon, they went right to Toby’s room, where Toby called for a bottle of wine. Adil hid in the bathroom when they heard the knock on the door…that was one complication Adil didn’t feel like dealing with that night. When the door shut, Adil peeked out.

“You’re safe,” Toby rolled his eyes. “Was that _really_ necessary?”

“That’s my coworker,” Adil laughed. “We may be dating, but I still work here.”

“Mmm…” Toby approached Adil thoughtfully. “We’ll have to work on that one, I suppose.”

They kissed gently, soft and innocent. “I’m not sure what there is to work on,” Adil laughed as he pulled back. “It is what it is.”

Toby looked pensive but poured the glasses of wine for them anyway. Adil sat on one of the armchairs in the corner of the room, expecting Toby to sit across from him. Instead, Toby curled up in Adil’s lap.

“More comfy,” he said slyly, kissing Adil lightly.

Adil rolled his eyes. “You are too much, Toby Hamilton.”

“Like you would have me any other way.”

Adil laughed and sipped his wine. “Point taken.”

Toby sipped his wine, staring pensively at Adil. It struck Adil, again, that he wasn’t sure he had ever been looked at like that before.

Toby opened his mouth…Adil was prepared for something profound to come from his boyfriend. Instead, Toby simply said, “I don’t want you walking back this late after so much alcohol. My pyjamas will be a bit big on you, but please sleep over. I’ll take the floor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still have no idea how many chapters this thing is going to be.
> 
> And, of course, thank you all for the kudos and comments! They're wonderful and make me smile.


	4. THE DECLARATION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two cuddled up in bed, facing each other and bodies flush together. “You meant it?” Toby’s eyes were searching Adil’s, looking slightly scared.
> 
> Adil pressed a light kiss to his lips. “I meant it. You did?”
> 
> “Totally and completely.”
> 
> The two of them laughed, just holding each other. Toby kissed Adil drunkenly. “I’ve never felt this way before, Adil.”
> 
> “Nor have I, Toby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to my beta reader @SzonKlin. You rock my world!
> 
> This chapter was fun.
> 
> And of course, the boys do not belong to me. We'd have more seasons if they did. ;)

It was three months until Toby first came to Adil’s flat. Adil had been trying to avoid it…his flat was small and humble…nothing like the extravagance of the hotel that Toby was used to.

But Toby finally wore him down. And despite the nerves, Adil was also a little excited. Toby had welcomed him into _his_ space…now it was Adil’s turn.

Toby looked around with wide eyes, admiring the Indian and Hindu ornaments and knick-knacks, most of which were family heirlooms. He had a ton of questions, a childlike curiosity in his eyes that made Adil smile.

“Who is this one?”

“Krishna.”

“And this one?”

“Lakshmi.”

“What’s this?”

“A traditional mandala.”

“What’s-”

“Toby. If I start taking my clothes off, will you _shut up_?”

Toby raised an eyebrow slyly. “Maybe. I suppose you should start taking your clothes off and we’ll see.”

Adil rolled his eyes, but pulled off his shirt, throwing it at Toby. The two had decided early on that they would take things slow…but want was pulling at both of them. Toby’s eyes were taking in Adil’s bare chest. “I know I’m not-”

“Whatever you were about to say… _don’t_. You’re the most gorgeous man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Adil flushed. “Oh, stop!”

Toby took off his shirt and dropped it on the ground. “No,” he said petulantly, walking over to Adil and trailing his fingers down his chest, hooking them under the waistband of his jeans. “May I?”

Adil nodded, mouth dry, eyes locked with Toby’s as his boyfriend undid his jeans and pushed them down. With trembling fingers, Adil did the same for Toby.

They stood back for a moment, drinking in the sight of each other. Adil slowly reached out his hand, running his fingers lightly over a trail of freckles over Toby’s chest and shoulder. “They go lower,” Toby said with a smirk.

Adil grinned slyly. “Show me.”

Toby laughed and pushed his boxers down. Adil eyed the trail of freckles down Toby’s hip, and his hardening cock. He shucked his own boxers before dropping to his knees, tracing the freckles with his tongue before licking up Toby’s cock. Toby gasped brokenly. “ _Adil_!”

Adil looked up with a rakish grin. “Yes, Toby?” he said roguishly.

“Tease,” Toby laughed.

“I suppose that means you want me to keep going.”

“Oh _God_ Adil…yes.”

Adil took Toby’s cock in his mouth, sucking and running his tongue up his length. The sounds Toby was making were sinful, and Adil moaned every time Toby tugged at his hair.

“Stand up,” Toby ordered.

Adil gave his length a final lick before standing, letting himself be pushed to the bed by Toby. “Toby…”

“I want you,” Toby growled, pushing Adil down into the mattress and kissing him deeply.

“I want you, too,” Adil groaned between kisses.

He felt Toby take his cock in his hand, stroking him as Adil moaned. “Lube? Condom?”

Adil reached to his bedside table, pulling out both. Toby made quick work of it, pushing a finger inside Adil. “Oh, Toby…” he gasped as his boyfriend worked a finger inside before adding a second one. “Toby, I need-” he was cut off as Toby curled his fingers upwards, brushing against his sweet spot. “Toby!”

Toby gave a wide grin, putting on the condom and hooking Adil’s legs around his waist before pushing inside him with a loud moan. “Oh God, Adil…you feel so good…”

Adil grasped at Toby’s shoulders, head thrown back. “You feel so good inside me…”

“Look at me…”

Adil looked into Toby’s eyes, their gaze locked as Toby moved inside him. One of Toby’s hands found Adil’s, interlacing their fingers against the bed. Toby moved to kiss Adil, deep and slow and filled with emotion and passion. He pulled back for just a moment. “I love you,” Toby whispered against Adil’s lips.

At first, Adil wasn’t sure if he had imagined it or not. Of course he loved Toby back! He was slightly terrified…what if it had just been said in the heat of the moment? But the look in Toby’s eyes, the way the two were moving…it hadn’t been imagined, and it was _real_. “I love you too, Toby,” Adil finally whispered back.

Adil had said those words to one person before Toby. Maybe felt it one other time. But neither of those times were anything compared to how he felt for Toby. Adil had never felt love like this before.

Toby kissed Adil hungrily, reaching down to stroke him in time with his thrusts. He angled Adil’s hips upwards, thrusting deeper and deeper until he hit his sweet spot, making Adil gasp loudly. “Oh God, Toby…right there…”

He loved the way Toby’s body fit right with his. Like they were two puzzle pieces. Nothing and no one had ever felt this right before. Adil moaned loudly as Toby continued to hit deep inside of him, stroking him along with his thrusts. A moment later, he came, calling out Toby’s name as he released. After a minute, Toby came loudly, Adil’s name falling repeatedly from his lips.

The two cuddled up in bed, facing each other and bodies flush together. “You meant it?” Toby’s eyes were searching Adil’s, looking slightly scared.

Adil pressed a light kiss to his lips. “I meant it. You did?”

“Totally and completely.”

The two of them laughed, just holding each other. Toby kissed Adil drunkenly. “I’ve never felt this way before, Adil.”

“Nor have I, Toby.”

They just stared, hands held tightly. The conversation was on and off, interspersed with comfortable silences where Adil and Toby just gazed into each other’s eyes. Toby’s eyes could see right through to Adil’s soul, and nothing could make the man happier.

For the first time in his life, Adil didn’t mind his soul being bared. It was terrifying…and it was beautiful.

***

Adil soon found that Toby had the sex drive of a horny teenager. They made love and fucked everywhere…Toby’s room, Adil’s flat, even once in a broom closet in the wine cellar. Not that Adil could really say he minded. Toby was an amazing lover. They had had a few conversations about it all…Toby had much more experience than Adil, but that didn’t mean much. Sometimes, Adil felt like Toby put Adil’s pleasure before his own. He was considerate and filled with passion, whether the two were making love slowly or having a quick fuck during Adil’s break.

But there was so much more than that. Adil was really starting to get to know Freddie and Emma, who both adored him and were ecstatic that Toby had found someone who treated him well. Adil was pretty sure _his_ family already considered his boyfriend family. His parents doted on Toby, and his younger brother loved the conversation, as he was interested in maths himself. Even Adil’s older sister, always his boyfriends’ harshest critic, admitted she thought Toby was a keeper.

Adil got the feeling Mrs. Hamilton would still love to sack him, but she knew it wouldn’t accomplish anything aside from Toby being angry she had sacked his boyfriend. Most of the time she ignored him, which Adil was just fine with.

Being with Toby, Adil had never felt more alive.

***

“We should go away.”

Adil looked up at Toby, eyebrow raised. Both men were naked in Adil’s bed, Adil’s head using his boyfriend’s chest as a pillow. “We should?”

“Nothing big. Just a weekend…or a long weekend. A simple, little vacation. Just the two of us. I know you work so hard…”

Some time away with Toby did sound nice. Adil didn’t get much time off. A night or two a week, maybe, but otherwise he was in the bar starting early evenings, even many days to take count of the liquor. “I would like that,” Adil finally said with a smile.

“Northumberland. Or maybe the Isle of Wight. Though Cornwall is pretty amazing…” Toby’s voice was getting louder as he got more excited.

Adil shrugged. “We never really went on holiday…couldn’t afford it. You can choose where we go.”

“So many places…I want to take you to all of them.”

Adil laughed. “I suppose that’s fair…we have time.”

Toby was practically glowing. “I’m going to take you away. You’ll be all mine.”

“I’m already all yours,” Adil teased.

Toby rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

“Isn’t part of going away doing things other than staying inside and having nonstop sex?”

“Well…I guess if you want to get _technical_.”

“If we go away, I want some fresh air. Especially with a spring this perfect.”

“Fine,” Toby sighed dramatically. “We’ll get some fresh air.”

Adil laughed. “Your libido is insane, Toby.”

“I have a very delectable boyfriend.”

“You are too much, Toby Hamilton.”

Toby hummed softly, flipping Adil onto his back and crawling on top of him. “I love you,” he nuzzled Adil’s neck.

Adil sighed happily. “I love you too, Toby.”

Toby kissed Adil deeply, working him open with his fingers again. Adil pulled back, laughing breathily. “Toby-”

“Need you.”

“When do you _not_ need me?”

“Believe me…if I had my way, we would never get out of bed.”

“Mmm…some of us have to work,” Adil laughed, though Toby’s arousal was getting him aroused as well.

“I can take care of you,” Toby gave that toothy grin that Adil loved.

“I would go crazy sitting around doing nothing.”

“You could take up knitting! Or…needlepoint…”

Adil rolled his eyes. “Shut up and make love to me.”

After their first time together, Adil and Toby had made sure to get STI tests, even though they were both sure they were clean. They had agreed on it being a comfort thing, especially if they wanted to have sex without a condom. They had shared their test results with each other, being completely honest and open. Of course, both of them were fine, but they wanted to be smart about it.

Making love with Toby was a dream. Sometimes Adil was concerned he was getting a bit too addicted to sex with his boyfriend as well. But he was also so grateful there was so much more to their relationship than sex. He thought about Toby’s excitement to take him on holiday…the way he’d give him a kiss every time he entered the bar…his smile… _God_ , Adil loved his boyfriend’s smile. He thought about their talks, still as natural and easy as they had been at the start. Holding hands, cuddling up in bed or one of the armchairs in Toby’s room.

Perhaps it was too early for these thoughts, but Adil was starting to wonder if Toby was it for him. If Toby was the one he was meant to spend forever with.

The thought was both thrilling and terrifying.

Adil tried not to think about it _too_ much. He and Toby still had a long way to go. In the meantime, he just wanted to enjoy every moment with his boyfriend. What they had was beyond words…and in all honesty, Adil kind of liked it that way.

***

When Adil went to open his locker the next day, he found an envelope with money in it. He was confused for a moment before it clicked. Everyone had given the money they promised if Adil were to be successful with the challenge. The man was practically fuming by the time Tom arrived.

He shoved the envelope into his coworker’s hand. “Tom, I told you-”

“You still did it though, didn’t you? And we-”

“I don’t want your damn money!” Adil rarely raised his voice, but he was sick and tired of this all. “Take it. I keep telling you… _forget_ all of it!”

Tom still didn’t look convinced, but he took the envelope. “Well…when you change your mind, it’ll be waiting for you.”

“ _When_? It’s not going to happen, Tom.”

Tom shrugged nonchalantly, getting ready and heading up. He passed Toby on the stairs, giving him a curious look.

“What was that all about?”

“It was nothing,” Adil said shortly, before frowning slightly. “Sorry…I’m just-”

“Has he been bothering you about something?” Toby embraced Adil. “Do you need me to-”

“It’s nothing, I promise,” Adil melted into Toby’s arms, resting his head on his shoulder. He knew he should say something, but it didn’t feel like the right time. “What are you doing down here?”

Toby grinned. “I need room service.”

Adil laughed. “Toby, I haven’t even started my shift yet. And isn’t the point of room service calling down for it?”

Toby kissed Adil hungrily, pushing him against his locker. “Then clock in and then bring me room service. Though the broom closet was fun…”

“You’re going to get me fired,” Adil teased.

“But I’m one of your employers! Yes…I’m thinking the broom closet. Go clock in…I’ll meet you there.”

Adil rolled his eyes. “Toby Hamilton, you will let me work,” he mock-scolded. “I’ll come upstairs after my shift.”

“But I want you _now_.”

“Is there ever a moment you _don’t_ want me?”

Toby seemed to consider this for a moment. “Is that a trick question?”

“ _Go_!” Adil laughed, giving his boyfriend a little shove. “I’ll see you later. And _don’t_ be inappropriate when you come to the bar later on.”

Toby laughed, kissing Adil lightly. “Yes, sir.”

“I’m serious.”

Toby just winked before loping up the stairs. Adil stared after him, a soppy smile on his face. He never thought he would find himself in a position like this. With someone like Toby…the feelings he had for him, the intensity of their whole relationship. It was the most real thing Adil had ever had in his life…and the most _unreal_ thing. In some ways, he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop…for something to go terribly wrong. Because at times, Adil wasn’t even sure he deserved something so incredible.

But Toby wanted _him_. Loved _him_. It made it easy for Adil to forget everything else.

***

True to his word, when Adil was done his shift, he went up to Toby’s room. They usually preferred not being in Toby’s room, as both of them could get quite loud at times, but sometimes it was just easier. At least they had passed the point of Adil knocking on the door. At first, he had always knocked, but after some time, he had gotten comfortable just letting himself in. Toby had pestered him about it from the beginning…he had never wanted Adil to knock.

Toby was laying on his bed, shirtless and reading a book. He glanced up as Adil came in, a sly smile on his face. “Hey.”

“Hey, yourself.”

Toby shifted over in the bed to make room for Adil as Adil toed off his shoes. He climbed into the bed beside his boyfriend, kissing him lightly. “Reading anything good?”

“Just some silly romance novel I lifted from Emma. It’s mostly trash, honestly.”

Adil laughed. “Then why are you reading it?”

“The sex scenes are pretty hot. I think Emma forgets sometimes that her brother-in-law is gay. And then I wonder if Freddie knows _what_ she’s reading.”

“I’m not sure I would expect that from her,” Adil admitted as Toby set the book on his bedside table. “Though I suppose we all need our outlets.”

Toby laughed, pulling Adil in for a deep kiss. “I did get some ideas from it,” he said mischievously.

Adil groaned in exasperation. “I don’t think I even _want_ to know.”

Toby’s eyes twinkled. “Can’t I show you? We just need a tie…or a belt. Yeah, maybe a belt.”

Adil nuzzled Toby’s neck. “I just want you to make love to me,” he said softly. “No belts. Just us.”

Toby grinned. “Or we could do that,” he pulled off Adil’s shirt, tossing it to the side. Their fingers ran over each others’ bare chests, feeling the skin, teasing the sensitive spots they knew so well. It didn’t take long for the two to divest each other of the rest of their clothes, kissing slowly, drunkenly. “I love you,” Toby whispered against Adil’s lips.

“I love you too, Toby,” Adil moaned softly as Toby worked him open with his fingers. “I love you so much.”

There was nothing in the world like making love with Toby. Adil knew his boyfriend had never really done that before…not like the two of them did.

Afterwards, Toby held Adil close, Adil’s head resting over Toby’s heart. He loved the feel of Toby’s heart beating…the way it reverberated through his entire being. Echoing through his physical body and emotional soul. That, along with Toby’s arms holding him tight, made this Adil’s favorite place in the world.

“Do you ever think about the future?” Toby broke the silence.

“Of course I think about the future.”

“Well some people don’t.”

Adil laughed. “Yes, but you know me better than that by now, Toby Hamilton.”

Toby smiled. “So what do you see in your future?”

_You._

“Oh, you know. Gorgeous husband, a job I love, maybe some kids…” Adil smiled.

“You’re being vague on purpose,” Toby laughed.

“Maybe I am,” Adil’s eyes twinkled.

“Oh, you’re terrible,” Toby nudged him.

“Fine, then. What do you see in _your_ future?”

Toby went silent, staring thoughtfully at Adil. Adil could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Could it possibly be that Toby felt exactly how he did? If so, he could understand the silence. They were still so early into their relationship…thinking they’d be together forever was pretty major. Adil had come to accept that life wasn’t like a movie or a fairy tale, no matter how nice that would be at times. Things weren’t that straightforward, that easy. Though, at the same time, Adil felt like having to work for these things made them even more worth it in the end.

“I can’t tell you. Then it won’t come true.”

“I think that’s _wishes_ , Toby.”

Toby just kissed Adil deeply, a passionate kiss filled with promises of the future.

Adil was starting to think he truly had nothing to worry about.

***

Toby finally decided on Cornwall for their getaway. Mid spring was a busy time, but Adil managed to get off work for a long weekend. He was pretty sure they only let him because he was dating one of the owners of the hotel. Knowing Toby, he would have pitched a fit to Mr. Garland if Adil _hadn’t_ gotten the time off.

They packed their suitcases into Toby’s car Friday morning, and settled in for the drive. Toby had rented a small cottage along a stretch of coast, refusing to let Adil pay for any of it. He insisted this was _his_ treat… _his_ opportunity to spoil his lover. And at this point, Adil knew better than to fight with Toby when he got like that.

The cottage was nice and homely, and the coast was beautiful. After they had settled in to their cottage, Adil and Toby had went out for a walk along the coast. Adil had never experienced anything like this, and every new experience was a cause for excitement. Every so often, Adil would look over at his boyfriend…Toby hadn’t taken his eyes off Adil and was smiling widely at the other man’s excitement.

“It’s beautiful here,” Adil sighed happily, holding tightly to Toby’s hand. “I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Toby kissed Adil lightly. “Well I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself…getting some of that fresh air,” he added teasingly.

Adil laughed. “It’s definitely better than the smoggy city.”

“I’m just enjoying watching you.”

Adil flushed slightly. He knew that Toby had probably walked this stretch many times before…it made him more able to just watch his boyfriend.

They ended up eating dinner at a small restaurant overlooking the coast. It was nice and cozy, and definitely set the mood. Toby picked up the check, reiterating that this was his chance to spoil Adil. And yet again, Adil knew better than to fight it.

By the time they reached their cottage, the two were a bit giggly, probably from too much wine. They made their way to the bedroom, discarding their clothes as they went along. By the time they fell into bed, they were completely naked, kissing passionately.

Toby propped himself up on his elbow. “You got your fresh air…now I get my sex.”

Adil laughed. “I’m not going to fight you on that one.”

Toby crawled on top of Adil, kissing him passionately. He grabbed the lube from the bedside table (how very like Toby to unpack the lube before anything else) and slowly pushed a finger inside of Adil. Adil let out a soft moan, his head falling back against the pillow. “Oh God, Toby…”

“What do you want?” Toby asked with a twinkle in his eyes, adding a second finger.

“You…need you…”

Toby grinned, lining himself up and pushing slowly into Adil’s body. Adil looked up with a moan, his and Toby’s eyes meeting. “I love you, Adil…I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Toby.”

Toby moved slowly, deliberately, his breathing heavy as he made love to Adil. He pulled back slightly to kiss and lick at Adil’s neck, Adil whimpering softly as he did so. The sensations were so electric, as they always were…it was absolutely amazing what Toby could do to his body, how it made Adil feel. He wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Angling Adil’s hips slightly up, Toby thrust in deep, hitting his lover’s sweet spot. Adil let out a loud moan, pulling Toby in for a passionate kiss. Toby reached down to Adil’s cock, stroking him in time with his thrusts. Adil scrambled to grasp at Toby’s shoulders, his fingers slipping from the sweat. “Toby…”

Toby wrapped Adil’s legs around his waist, hitting deeper and deeper with every thrust. “Come for me,” he whispered against Adil’s lips. “I want to hear you come for me.”

A moment later, Adil’s hips arched as he came, loud moans and Toby’s name falling from his lips. Toby was right behind him, coming deep inside his boyfriend.

They cleaned up quick, laying in the bed facing each other. Toby was gently stroking Adil’s waist, and Adil was pretty sure they had achieved perfection in that moment.

Toby was studying Adil thoughtfully. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as if he was completely unsure of what to say. He finally smiled, kissing Adil lightly. “Is this forever?”

Adil’s heart was bursting with love. So Toby _did_ feel the same way he did. “Yes, Toby. I think it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best readers in the world. Thank you for all the kudos and comments!


	5. THE REVELATION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toby had asked if Adil could bring up some coffee to his room, usually code for ‘I know you’re working, but take a break so we can have a quickie in my room’. But when Adil came into Toby’s room, he saw something was completely amiss.
> 
> Toby was sitting at his desk, his eyes red. There were tears in his eyes, and he had obviously been crying already. “Toby?” Adil asked hesitantly, setting down the coffee and walking over to his boyfriend. “What’s wrong?”
> 
> “The challenge,” Toby said softly.
> 
> Adil should have known everything would backfire on him.
> 
> Things were perfect.
> 
> And now it was all exploding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING...SUICIDE ATTEMPT**
> 
> Many, MANY thanks to my beta reader @SzonKlin who gave me confidence in this chapter when I was nervous about it!
> 
> The boys are not mine. I just get to have fun writing them.

Toby was heading down to the staff area to find Adil when he overheard two people talking. Not anything abnormal…until he heard his name.

“So Toby Hamilton really did fall in love with Adil. Even though Adil said he was done with that.”

“Looks like he managed _the challenge_ anyway,” he heard Tom say.

“I know he said he was going back on it, but what if that was all for show? He still got Mr. Hamilton to fall in love with him,” that was Billy’s voice.

“But why would he go back on it with all the money we offered? I tried to give it to him multiple times and he wouldn’t accept it…he even gave it back when I stuck it in his locker…”

“Some sort of hidden agenda?”

“I don’t know…”

“What does it matter? He did the impossible. I say we insist on giving him the money anyway.”

Billy groaned before Tom spoke again. “He could disappear with everything we owe him. Maybe that’s the plan…he’ll still come in for the money, leave before Mr. Hamilton knew what hit him.”

“It’s not like they make any sense together. Maybe it really was a trick. We’ll talk to Adil, offer him the money again.”

“How could he possibly say no? He met the challenge…Toby Hamilton fell in love with him. I’ll talk to him later…”

Toby was rooted to the spot, glad neither Tom or Billy could see him. He wasn’t sure he was breathing properly, or breathing at all. Apparently this had all been a game. Adil had been challenged to get Toby to fall in love with him. And although a voice in his head insisted that it wasn’t like that…that Adil really _did_ love him…it couldn’t drown out the voice that it had all been for show. That Adil had taken up this _challenge_ , and that was what this all was.

Silently, Toby turned, heading away from the staff area and any further conversation about this _challenge_ and all the money Adil would be making from getting Toby to fall in love with him. Toby felt sick to his stomach. He should have known…he really should have known. It was all too good to be true. Adil was perfect…of course he was, because he had made himself into that. Become the type of person that was easy to fall in love with.

Toby didn’t want to cry. He couldn’t.

He should have known.

_The challenge_. Toby felt his heart break into a million pieces. He had never felt hurt like this before. Adil was supposed to be his forever. It wasn’t supposed to be…this.

He knew he had to talk to Adil…find out the truth. Though at this point, he had no idea if Adil was being honest with him or not…if he wanted to hear the truth at all.

Of course, either way, Toby felt resigned. He was done. No matter what the truth was, Adil had done this in the first place. The trust Toby had had so confidently was quickly ebbing away.

Toby felt tears stinging his eyes. He wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. He had always been so sure about his relationship with Adil. But some part of his brain was already starting to think about how the whole thing could have been Adil orchestrating things.

As he went through to the bar area, he saw Adil wasn’t out yet. Normally, Toby knew exactly when Adil was working, but his brain was fuzzy from what he just heard. Trying not to cry, he went up to the bartender on duty. “Please have Mr. Joshi bring coffee up to my room as soon as he’s in, please,” Toby said, his voice trembling and hands shaky.

“Of course, sir,” the bartender said.

Toby took the stairs with his head down, the tears finally falling. He wanted nothing to do with anyone right now, and his brain was on overload.

Who or what could he trust at this point? He needed honesty from Adil…and he prayed he would get that much.

***

Waiting in his room for Adil was torture. Toby couldn’t help the tears that were falling on and off. He didn’t want to be crying…he didn’t want Adil to see that. But Toby knew even if he wasn’t crying in front of the other man, he would be able to tell that there had been tears. A lot of tears. Toby had always been an ugly crier, and at the moment, he couldn’t even think about ways to hide his tears.

He thought about the past eight months. Nothing seemed to connect correctly, especially with the information he had just overheard. That wasn’t Adil. Adil wouldn’t do that. Thoughts were jumbled in Toby’s head…he couldn’t properly land on one over another. All he knew was that his heart was hurting in a way it never had before. Not with all his nasty breakups, not with Danny cheating on him. This was so much worse.

It was like a tug of war in his head. One side was saying Adil was being honest with him. That he _did_ love Toby, had given up this challenge. The other side was saying it had all been pretend. That he couldn’t trust Adil.

The tears started falling again. “Adil, you son of a bitch,” Toby mumbled into the empty room.

***

Toby had asked if Adil could bring up some coffee to his room, usually code for ‘I know you’re working, but take a break so we can have a quickie in my room’. But when Adil came into Toby’s room, he saw something was completely amiss.

Toby was sitting at his desk, his eyes red. There were tears in his eyes, and he had obviously been crying already. “Toby?” Adil asked hesitantly, setting down the coffee and walking over to his boyfriend. “What’s wrong?”

“ _The challenge_ ,” Toby said softly.

Adil should have known everything would backfire on him.

Things were perfect.

And now it was all exploding.

He had waited too long to tell Toby about the “challenge”. He had been trying to find the perfect moment…but he had gotten so caught up in their relationship that Adil had mostly forgotten all about that. The past eight months being with Toby had been a dream. Adil had never been in love like he was with Toby. He loved every moment, from magical dates to the way they made love…and everything in between. Even though it hadn’t been that long, Adil knew. He had finally found the man he was meant to settle down with…live the rest of his life with.

Adil stood in front of Toby, mouth opening and closing as he tried to figure out what to say. “Toby-”

“Is that what all this was about?” Toby motioned between the two of them.

“No…no, Toby, I love you. I told them that I-”

“I heard Tom and Billy talking about it when I was going to wait for you in the staff area. That you had managed it after all.”

Tears were starting to drip down Toby’s face, even though he was obviously trying to keep himself together. It pained Adil more than he could put into words. He felt the tears welling up in his own eyes.

This was not going to be pretty. The worst part was that Adil had no idea if Toby would believe any words that came out of his mouth. Adil could never articulate just how much he loved Toby. How much he regretted saying yes to “the challenge” in the first place.

“I told them I wasn’t going to do it,” Adil said softly. “Nearly right away. All of this-”

“Was _any_ of it real?”

Seeing Toby suffering so much was tearing Adil apart inside. The tears started falling from his own eyes. He should have known better than to push it all away…keep such a secret. “It was all real, Toby. I told them I wouldn’t do it…I love you.”

“Well excuse me for not believing that. I trusted you. I thought…after everything we’ve been through…”

The two looked into each other’s eyes, both of them crying. Adil wanted so bad for Toby to give him that look…the look that made him feel like Toby was staring straight to his soul. If only he could give him that look…he would understand _everything_ if he just _looked_.

But Toby didn’t look. He was crying, and after a moment, he tore his gaze away, looking to a spot over Adil’s shoulder.

Adil knew he would have to do this the hard way. The way that didn’t guarantee Toby would want him ever again. He licked his lips. “I took their challenge initially,” he knew he needed to be honest…find a way to get through to Toby if Toby wouldn’t look into his eyes and see the truth. “But I told them I wouldn’t do it soon after. Because I couldn’t…I _wouldn’t_ toy with you like that. I was starting to develop feelings for you, and then there was the night you bared your soul to me, and I knew that I couldn’t… _God_ , Toby…the past eight months have been the best of my life. Being with you. Loving you and being loved in return.”

“And how much of that was manipulating me?”

It was so painful to see that Toby couldn’t believe him, even though Adil knew it wasn’t that easy. In all fairness, Toby _shouldn’t_ believe him. What Adil had done was unforgivable. But he was trying to offer the truth. Adil had to make Toby believe him. He just had absolutely no clue _how_ to make him believe him.

“Seriously, Toby. I swear I’m being honest with you.”

Toby’s eyes searched Adil’s face, looking into his eyes. Both of them were crying hard now, but it wasn’t doing anything for either of them. Toby was in pain. He was suffering, all because Adil had messed up. Adil had ruined it all, hurting the person he loved most in the world. And there was nothing he could do to _unhurt_ him.

Toby’s jaw was set. Adil was pretty sure he knew where this was going.

“I think we need to break up.”

Adil’s heart completely shattered. He felt an intense desperation…the need to beg, the need to make his case heard. “No, God, Toby…please no…just hear me out… _please_ just listen to me!”

“You took this _challenge_ at all. Even changing your mind, you…I can’t, Adil. I can’t do it.”

“Toby, please…”

“You can leave now,” Toby said weakly, wiping away his tears. “Make yourself scarce. I don’t want to see you anymore. Maybe you should just leave the hotel.”

“Toby…I love you…please don’t-”

“ _Leave_.”

With a shaky breath, Adil nodded and turned, wiping away his own tears. He knew there was only one way out of this. If he couldn’t be with Toby, the only man he had ever loved so intensely, so deeply; the only man he could picture a forever with…what else was there to live for?

***

As soon as Adil left Toby’s room, Toby wanted to call him back in. Maybe he was overreacting. He knew that Adil was being honest with him…everything that had happened between the two of them just couldn’t be faked. Toby _knew_ that… _logically_.

And yet, his emotional side was winning over.

Even if Adil had given up the whole thing, he had still said yes to everyone in the first place. That was something that Toby just couldn’t get over at the moment. Though maybe with some more talking…

Toby jumped out of his chair, yanking the door open, looking both ways down the hall. Adil had already vanished. Of course he had, what use would hanging around be? He pulled his phone out of his pocket, pulling up his text chat with Adil. The last text had come in earlier… _I already told you I’d come up after my shift. Here’s to hoping Tom doesn’t spill vodka all over me again. Love you._

Even reading the words hurt.

Texting Adil now would be the best idea. Get Adil back to Toby’s room, work through it now. But Toby was still hurting, which meant he would still be irrational, no matter how badly he wanted to make things right. He just needed a day or two, then they could talk about it all.

It didn’t feel great now, but maybe there was hope.

Toby pocketed his phone. He’d text Adil and they could fix things. In the meantime, Toby just wanted to let himself hurt, let himself cry. Adil had hurt him…in ways he never thought the other man would. Of course, that didn’t mean he just stopped loving him. _That_ was never going to happen. What was that saying? Love would always find a way?

At the same time, Toby _didn’t_ want anything to do with this. Wash his hands of the whole situation and forget about Adil. Forget about the past eight months of his life. Find someone who wouldn’t hide such a secret from him. Who loved him without prompting.

Sinking back into his chair, Toby cradled his head in his hands. Never before had he been so conflicted. Unsure, uncertain, completely at a loss. And he didn’t like the feeling…not in the slightest.

***

Adil didn’t want to leave any clues about anything being out of the ordinary. He had decided against handing in his notice. It wouldn’t matter anyway. Once he went through with his plan, nothing would matter at all.

When he was younger, Adil had had a couple years where he had been suicidal…mostly when he was grappling with the fact that he was gay. He had never actually attempted, but he had always had plans.

Even when he had been suicidal, Adil didn’t ever think he would _actually_ go through with it. How things changed! Now, it was the only way out. He had ruined everything. _God_ …just _how_ he had ruined everything. There was no point to any of this anymore.

It seemed ridiculous to kill himself over losing the love of Toby Hamilton, but Adil didn’t have much else. His family would be devastated, sure, but it wasn’t like he had any _actual_ friends. He had had Toby. But he didn’t have Toby any longer, so there was really no point. Adil had managed to screw up the best thing that had ever happened to him. The depression and guilt ate away at him.

Toby wanted Adil to disappear, so he would. He had written Toby a note and left it with Tom, telling him to be sure to deliver it. When Tom had asked, again, if he wanted the money, Adil said to give that to Toby as well. It was…a symbolic type of thing. Not that Toby needed the money, but Adil wanted to show just how serious he was about not taking the money. He wouldn’t need it. Maybe it would soften Toby’s heart a bit. He wouldn’t be so bitter about it all when he found out Adil was gone.

How _would_ Toby respond when he heard that Adil killed himself? Would he blame himself? Be relieved that the whole mess was over with?

_Toby._

Adil felt the tears drip down his face again. No matter which way he looked at it, this was his fault. He should have been up front with Toby from the beginning. Not let it reach this point that it had reached. Adil was pretty sure it could have all been avoided if he had just _told_ Toby about it all. Not pushed it back, pretend that it wasn’t a thing anymore. Of course it was a thing…it was already in so many people’s heads.

Slit wrists would be messy. That wasn’t Adil. He went into his medicine cabinet, finding some old bottles of anti-depressants. Overdosing wasn’t necessarily ideal either, but it was pretty much the only neat option. Adil hated the idea of someone having to clean up after him, even in death.  
Adil was hating himself more and more. Killing himself over a man? It seemed completely ridiculous. Adil had always been a strong, independent person. Up until dating Toby, he wasn’t even that bothered about not having a boyfriend. And now he had turned into one of… _those_ people. It was pathetic. But Adil couldn’t get it out of his head.

More and more, though, he realized it wasn’t just about losing Toby…it was what he had done, even if he had receded on the challenge. Even accepting such a challenge was a despicable thing. It was thoughtless and dumb and made Toby into something other than an actual person. Adil was disgusted with his own actions…he would want himself to disappear, too.

Adil should have known it would come back to haunt him. His thoughts were starting to ruminate…he really was an idiot. He should have just told Toby from the start…not push it away like there was nothing to it.

_God_ …what was the point?

Adil downed the pills before laying down in his bed with his hands over his heart, closing his eyes.

The last thought before he fell unconscious was Toby.

***

“Mr. Hamilton.”

Toby looked up from his drink, looking at Tom. He didn’t especially want to be disturbed, trying to drink away the pain of the past few hours. “Yes, Tom?” he answered emptily.

“I’ve got a letter and…well…here for you…”

He handed Toby two envelopes. One was filled with money. On the front of the other was written _Toby_ in Adil’s handwriting. Toby stared at it for a moment, ready to rip it into shreds, but instead he opened it. The letter was written on a piece of notebook paper, obviously ripped out carelessly as the bottom left corner was ripped funny.

_Toby,_

_I really am sorry for all of this. I know no matter how much explaining I attempt, there’s no possible way to make up for the mistakes I’ve made. But I want you to know these past eight months have been the best of my life. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you, and been loved that much in return. Regardless of what you may think, it was never a game. I gave up on the game a long time ago. This was real._

_It’s rather pathetic that I can’t live without you. But the fact of the matter is that I just can’t. I wanted to spend my life with you, no matter what you may believe. What’s the point in going on if no one else will ever hold my heart the way you do? Just think about me from time to time. I know I’m not in a place where I can ask for much, but I don’t think that’s too much to ask for._

_Lead a long and wonderful life. Find love and be happy. You deserve it._

_Goodbye, my love.  
Adil_

_P.S. I know you don’t need the money or anything, but I’d rather it go to you than all of them. Maybe it’ll even make it a bit clear that I really didn’t want it._

Toby’s heart felt like it was pounding right out of his chest. “Tom…when did he give this to you?”

“Few hours ago.”

Toby left the envelope of money on the bar and shoved the letter into his pocket and took off at a run. Although he usually took the tube to Adil’s flat, there was no time for that. He could get there quickly enough if he ran. He wasn’t much of a runner, and quite quickly everything started to hurt. If he was too late… _no_ …he _couldn’t_ be too late.

This was his doing. He knew he should have believed Adil. Called him back right away. Toby had just been so _hurt_. And now…now he could lose the only man he could ever imagine spending forever with. All because he had been an idiot.

He took the steps to Adil’s flat two at a time, pounding on the door. “Adil! Adil!” not wanting to waste anymore time, Toby pulled out his keys, where he had put the key to Adil’s flat that Adil had given him awhile ago. He unlocked the door with hands shaking so bad he nearly dropped the keyring twice.

Adil was laying, motionless on his bed. “No, no, no…” Toby pulled out his phone, calling emergency. “I’ve got…I don’t know…it’s…” he saw the empty pill bottles. “An overdose!” he gave Adil’s address, going to sit next to Adil. He could feel a sluggish pulse…Adil wasn’t dead yet. “Wake up,” Toby begged. “Please wake up, Adil…please…for me…”

Toby wouldn’t let go of Adil’s hand, even as the ambulance came and put Adil on a stretcher. Toby insisted on coming along in the ambulance, praying it wouldn’t be too late. He couldn’t stop crying as they brought Adil back into the hospital, not allowing Toby to come along. At this point, Toby could just sit in the waiting room crying, praying to a God he didn’t believe in that Adil was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The usual thanks for all the kudos and comments! You guys inspire me to do good and have fun! :)


	6. THE RECONCILIATION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything hurt.
> 
> It took Adil a moment to open his eyes. Was he in hell? What else could explain the pain? But when he opened his eyes, he just saw a white room. There was an IV in his hand, and someone was holding the other one. Confused, Adil looked up to see Toby sitting beside him, the one holding his hand. There were dried tear marks on his face, and Adil could see more tears swimming in his eyes when he noticed Adil looking at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course, so many thanks to @SzonKlin, the best beta reader ever.  
> Also a thanks to Sara Andreia for providing me the missing puzzle piece for this chapter!
> 
> This will probably be wrapping up soon. I have ideas, but I don't know how long it'll all take.
> 
> Boys are not mine, sadly. At least I can still play with them.

Everything hurt.

It took Adil a moment to open his eyes. Was he in hell? What else could explain the pain? But when he opened his eyes, he just saw a white room. There was an IV in his hand, and someone was holding the other one. Confused, Adil looked up to see Toby sitting beside him, the one holding his hand. There were dried tear marks on his face, and Adil could see more tears swimming in his eyes when he noticed Adil looking at him.

“Toby?” Adil’s throat was dry and painful.

“You’re okay,” Toby said softly, the tears falling again. “They had to pump your stomach, but you’re okay.”

“But…why? What are you doing here?”

“Adil…I shouldn’t have responded the way I did. I should have…believed you. About…all of it. But I just felt so…I should have worked harder to understand…”

Adil looked down, trying to process. “You’re only here because I tried to kill myself.”

“I love you, Adil. And…I know you love me. I don’t want to live in a world without you. _God_ …thinking I had lost you…”

Adil tried to speak, but his throat was raw. “Water,” he managed. Toby poured a cup of water, helping Adil drink it. Adil watched him cry, feeling completely helpless. “You shouldn’t be here, Toby. I don’t deserve you being here,” he could feel tears dripping down his face as well…he knew it was true. What he had put Toby through…all the cruel things he had done.

“Adil-”

“You should have let me die.”

“Stop it, Adil.”

As Adil opened his mouth to speak, a nurse came in. “Oh, you’re awake Mr. Joshi,” she took in the two crying men. “I…er…the doctor will be in soon. And you’ll have to speak with the psychiatrist on duty,” she looked at Toby. “You’ll have to leave during the psych eval, Mr. Hamilton.”

Adil wondered how long he had been out. Apparently long enough for the nurses to know Toby’s name. “He can stay,” Adil said softly. “It’s…kind of important he stays.”

The nurse frowned slightly. “Well, it is protocol…but I’ll talk to the psychiatrist.”

Toby squeezed Adil’s hand as the nurse helped Adil drink some more water and checked his vitals. “Are you in pain, Mr. Joshi?”

“A little,” Adil admitted.

The nurse pointed to a button. “This controls your painkiller. If you need it increased, press the button a little at a time until you feel better.”

Adil nodded. “Thank you.”

The nurse smiled. “The doctor will be in shortly,” she said, leaving the room.

“I don’t need a psych eval,” Adil sighed.

“They just have to be thorough,” Toby said softly. “You _did_ just try to kill yourself.”

Adil looked down, more tears falling. “Toby-”

“I’m not leaving your side. Ever again. You’ll move into my room…or we’ll get a flat of our own. Yes, that’s it…we’ll get a flat. We’ll be a normal couple…you can keep working the bar, and you’ll come home to me every night.”

“ _Toby_ …have you forgotten so quickly what I did to you?”

“You didn’t do anything to me, Adil. You’ve already told me you canceled it all early on. That everything we had was real. And after…after _this_ …that you were ready to end it all over losing my love-”

“It was pathetic, Toby.”

“It wasn’t for you.”

“I had lost the man I thought I would spend forever with…because of my own stupidity.”

Before Toby could say anything else, a woman swept formally into the room. “Mr. Joshi? I’m Dr. Richey, your doctor. Can we go over some things?” Adil nodded. “Mr. Hamilton, would you mind leaving the room?”

Toby glared at her, as if she had completely offended him. “He can stay,” Adil said softly.

“Protocol, that’s all.”

Toby let out a soft _huff_ and stood, kissing Adil’s forehead before storming petulantly out of the room.

Dr. Richey went through a number of medical things that came along with the overdose and stomach pumping. She was pleased Adil seemed to be doing so well, and didn’t comment on the dried tear marks on his face, something the man was extremely grateful for.

After a few minutes, a man came into the room, introducing himself as Dr. Byrne, the psychiatrist. He proceeded to ask Adil a number of psychiatric questions, which Adil answered honestly, adding in his reconciliation with Toby. Dr. Byrne seemed satisfied with everything, and didn’t think Adil needed a stay in the psych ward, something he was extremely grateful for.

Dr. Richey said Adil should be able to be discharged soon…something else the man was extremely grateful for. As much as he didn’t want to go back to his tiny flat with all the ghosts he knew would be there, anything was better than a hospital.

Toby came back in after the doctors left. Adil gave him a brief overview, and Toby nodded, holding Adil’s hand again.

“I’m going to find us a flat,” Toby said decisively. “We’ll live like a normal couple.”

Adil chuckled weakly. “As if we’re a _normal_ couple,” he teased.

Toby kissed him feather lightly. “I love you, Adil. I never want to live without you.”

“I love you too, Toby. And I swear you won’t have to.”

***

Things shifted after that. How could they not? Both men knew that trust had to be reestablished. There were still times when Adil couldn’t figure out how Toby had forgiven him. But they talked about it a lot, and every day it became more and more believable. Adil told Toby the whole story of “the challenge”, all the details Toby had refused to hear before. They talked about other stuff…their relationship, how to get back to their normalcy, going back to taking things slow. All the important things that needed to be addressed, especially if they were to be living together soon.

***

A couple hours after Adil woke up, Toby got a phone call from a very concerned Freddie. Adil pushed him to go have lunch with his brother…he was still a bit loopy anyway and it was important Toby got the chance to lean on someone else with how much of a rock he was being for his boyfriend.

Toby met Freddie and Emma at a restaurant near the hospital. Freddie and Emma both gave Toby warm hugs.

“He’s alright?” Freddie finally asked softly, worry in his eyes.

“He’s alright,” Toby said, tears welling up in his eyes again.

“Toby…what _happened_?”

So Toby told his brother and sister-in-law the story. He made them promise to reserve judgement, let them hear the whole thing. It was a relief that they didn’t find Adil at fault any more than he did. In fact, Emma was relatively angry about _Toby’s_ actions, and Toby had the feeling Freddie felt similarly. In all fairness, Toby was pretty sure he deserved that.

“I didn’t think this would… _God_ …I thought I was too late,” Toby said sadly, looking down at the table. “I don’t think I’ve ever been that afraid in my life.”

“Thank God you weren’t.”

Freddie reached across the table and took Toby’s hand. “We’re here for you. _Both_ of you, but…” he looked over at Emma, as if asking for help with words.

“But we know you’re going to have to be extra strong for Adil, so we’re here for when _you_ need a break. When you need people to be strong for you,” Emma finished eloquently. Freddie nodded his assent.

“Thank you,” Toby said quietly, tears dripping down his face again. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew it was something he would probably need. The sentiment hung unspoken between the three of them.

Conversation went in and out, especially since it was very clear Toby was far away. Freddie and Emma were trying, but they didn’t want to push him. As the check was brought out, Freddie grabbed it. Toby just stared for a moment, before letting out a tired chuckle. “I don’t have it in me to fight,” he said with a watery smile.

“Mother…is going to call you,” Freddie said as the waiter took the check. “I think even _she_ is feeling terrible about the whole thing. I think she wants to try and…sort through things with you. Learn more about Adil as your boyfriend and all.”

Toby raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Seriously?”

“We were with her when you called. She could hear you crying over the phone. I think it jolted something in her.”

“Will wonders never cease,” Toby gave a weak laugh.

They walked out of the restaurant. “I suppose you’ll be staying with Adil?” Emma asked. Toby nodded. She reached into her bag and pulled out a book. “In case you need to duck out for a bit, or take a break. You can leave this with Adil to entertain himself.”

Toby looked at the book and gave the realest laugh he had all day. It was one of Emma’s gay romance novels. “Thank you…from both of us.”

“Will we be able to visit?” Freddie asked.

“I’m sure Adil would like that,” Toby nodded. “I’ll text you when he’s up for it.”

They all hugged again. “We’re here for you, Toby,” Emma whispered in his ear. “Anything you need. Anything Adil needs. We love you both so much.”

“Don’t push yourself more than you can handle. Adil’s not going to get angry if you need to get away for a bit,” Freddie rubbed his twin’s back.

“I’m sure he’ll get sick of me soon enough,” Toby teased. “But there is one thing I’ll need help with…I have to get back to him, but I’ll text.”

Freddie and Emma looked at each other.

“You’ll understand. I have to go. Love you guys.”

“We love you too, Toby.”

***

After that, Toby never left Adil’s side…it had only been a little over a day, but Toby remained steadfast. He promised he would stay as long as Adil had to, no matter how long they kept him for.

***

Adil’s first visitors were his family, coming in from Brighton in the evening of his first full day awake. His mother and sister were crying, holding his hands. Even his father had tears swimming in his eyes. Toby excused himself politely, kissing Adil lightly before going to wait outside.

“Adil…” his mother was squeezing his hand. “How could you do this?”

“It’s complicated, mum,” Adil looked down. “I don’t know if…”

“But you’re okay,” his sister hugged him. “ _God_ , Adil…when Toby called us and told us what happened…”

Adil knew he couldn’t tell his family about everything that happened. Maybe someday, but certainly not now. It did hurt him, seeing his family so upset. How did he even explain that he had barely even thought of them before his suicide attempt? Of course they had quickly gone through his mind, but he hadn’t been in the right state then. Now he saw just what it could have been like if he had actually succeeded in his attempt.

Adil’s father was rubbing his shoulder, something he had always done when Adil was a child and was upset. He was a man of few words, but his actions spoke quite loudly. He almost lost his son, and the pain was radiating off his body.

Dhani was the only one not going near his brother. He was sulking in a corner of the room, arms crossed, clearly angry.

“Will you move home?” his mother asked. “I hate the thought of you being all alone after…”

“Toby and I will be getting a flat,” Adil said with a watery smile. “We’ve already discussed it. I won’t be alone, mum.”

Priya frowned slightly. “Adil…why did you even-”

“Why does it _matter_?” Dhani finally spoke. “Everyone is here doting over Adil…can no one even acknowledge how selfish it was for him to do this?”

“ _Dhani_ ,” their father’s voice was stern. “Stop it.”

“I won’t!” Dhani exclaimed. “What Adil did to all of us was awful. I can’t imagine anything that would drive _anyone_ to this,” his gaze turned to Adil. “See what you’ve done to us, Adil? Your _family_? How could you?”

Adil took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears. “Dhani…what I did was wrong, but I had my reasons at the time. You can be angry, but please don’t judge me for the place I was in when I did it.”

Dhani glared for a moment before storming out of the hospital room.

“He’ll come around,” Priya said, though Adil’s sister didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“We’re just grateful you’re still with us,” his mother said softly. “We love you so much, Adil. We’ll all be with you every step of the way.”

Adil gave a weak smile. “I love you all, too.”

Dhani didn’t come back into the room. The rest of Adil’s family stayed a little longer and promised they’d be by his side for anything he needed, and not to worry about Dhani…he’d get over it in his own time.

***

Although initially Dr. Byrne hadn’t wanted to hospitalize Adil, he kept careful watch of him and proposed the idea a couple times when he saw how emotional Adil had been over the past few days. They had daily meetings, during which Adil continuously explained the reasons for how emotional he was. Going into everything that had happened with Toby, from the beginning, was extremely painful. Dr. Byrne was a kind man, which Adil recognized, even if all the psychiatric attention drove him a bit crazy at times.

They finally decided that Adil would start seeing a therapist and psychiatrist when he left the hospital. He’d see the therapist weekly and the psychiatrist biweekly, just to get past everything that had happened and ensure it didn’t happen again. Dr. Byrne didn’t want Adil leaving the hospital until that was set up, prolonging his stay.

True to his word, Toby didn’t leave. They set up a cot for him in the room, which he pushed against Adil’s bed so they could hold hands at night.

“Adil?” Toby’s voice broke through the nighttime silence the third night into Adil’s stay.

“Hmm?”

“You…have forgiven yourself, right?”

Adil was silent. It was something he thought about a lot. It had come up a few times, but only very briefly. It was definitely still one of his biggest roadblocks. “Mostly…I suppose,” he whispered.

“You didn’t _really_ do anything wrong.”

“I did _a lot_ wrong, Toby.”

“Not anything _that_ unforgivable.”

Adil wasn’t sure what to say. The truth was he _did_ feel like he did a lot wrong. Not to the point that he would try to take his own life again, but enough that it still weighed quite heavily on him. He knew _Toby_ had forgiven him…but he also knew it would take time and help to forgive himself.

It made him feel like Dr. Byrne was on to something with suggesting intensive psychiatric outpatient help.

“Adil?”

“I’m just…thinking.”

Toby kissed the palm of Adil’s hand. “Don’t overthink it all, love. It’s all going to be fine.”

“I know,” Adil said softly, sure his little smile showed through in his voice.

“I love you, Adil.”

“I love you too, Toby.”

***

Adil got his next visit the next day. Freddie and Emma came in, Emma holding a big bouquet of flowers. Adil hadn’t been expecting them to come see him, and it was a very pleasant surprise. Toby stayed in the room for this visit, unlike when Adil’s family had come.

Emma gave Adil a big hug, her eyes tearing up. “Oh, Adil. I’m so glad you’re still here,” she said softly.

Adil looked over at Toby, asking a silent question… _Do they know_? Toby gave a nod back.

“I’m sorry, I…”

“Toby told us everything,” Freddie said. “I wish this hadn’t been the result. You’re not at fault, Adil. No one thinks you are.”

Adil sighed softly. He didn’t want to admit that _he_ had thought he was. That had spurned all of this, after all. “Thank you, Freddie,” he said quietly. “I am grateful for all of your support.”

“And you have it,” Emma promised. “We’re here for you. We love you, Adil…and how good you’ve been for Toby…ugliness aside,” she smiled. Adil couldn’t help but chuckle…how very _Emma_ to say all that.

“The ugliness is gone,” Toby took Adil’s hand and kissed his forehead. “We’ve sorted through everything and are stronger than ever.”

Freddie and Emma both smiled. “I told you you’d find someone wonderful, Toby,” Freddie said brightly. “Older brothers know best.”

“ _Four minutes_ ,” Toby rolled his eyes. “You’re older by _four minutes_.”

“Still older.”

Even Adil had to laugh at the twin’s antics. It was quite a relief that he was forgiven. He was beginning to feel like he really _did_ deserve forgiveness. Everyone else saw it, which certainly helped. Even if it took time, Adil had a lot of support to get him there.

He couldn’t deny how lucky he was for that one.

***

Dr. Byrne was very thorough with finding outpatient help for Adil. It was a bit frustrating, as he wasn’t allowed to leave until he had something in place, but at least he wasn’t in the psych ward. Having Toby with him was helpful, especially when his lover disappeared for a few hours one day and came back with a bunch of board and card games. It was all so thoroughly Toby.

Adil was feeling better and better every day. Stronger, both physically and mentally. Things that seemed completely hopeless before were getting better…especially as he and Toby worked through things. Despite the setting, things were getting much like they had before…the natural, easy relationship they had always had.

The two talked about things. The heavy stuff was only part of it…but Toby also made sure to bring up other things. He would excitedly talk about the flat they’d be getting, how they would hang up all of Adil’s pictures and put all his ornaments out. The color schemes he had in mind for various rooms. Toby would talk about how his work was going, filling Adil in on the process of finding a good research job in the area.

“I might just go to grad school,” he said thoughtfully one day. “It’ll be easier to find a job.”

Adil thought of his own future. “I think I might have the money to start uni soon. Find some scholarships, maybe…”

Toby studied his lover intensely. Adil raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you?” Toby finally asked hesitantly. “I mean…I don’t want to take away from all your hard work…but if this is…” he paused, as if trying to find the right word. “My father left me _some_ money. With a brain like yours, you need to be academically challenged…not working a bar full time.”

Adil felt tears swimming in his eyes. Toby was truly the most compassionate, selfless person. “Toby…I couldn’t-”

“Just a little help. You can even pay me back if that would make you feel better.”

It was all so overwhelming in a way. Toby was constantly surprising Adil…and not in a bad way. Adil felt himself choked up, and all he could do was nod.

***

The morning of his fourth day in the hospital, Adil woke up to find Toby missing, a book and a note on the bedside table.

_Adil,_

_Top secret business today. I had to get an early start, hence the note. Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. You’ll understand soon, I promise. I’ll be back probably in the late afternoon. I left you a book so you can entertain yourself._

_I love you,  
Toby_

Adil couldn’t fathom what top secret business was, but he trusted Toby enough that it wasn’t a problem. He looked at the book…it was one of Emma’s romance novels. Adil couldn’t help but chuckle.

An hour or so later, Dr. Byrne came in. Adil put the book to the side, looking up at the psychiatrist. “I’ve found you a therapist and psychiatrist,” he sat beside Adil. “I figured we could call them and set up appointments together. I don’t know what your schedule is like.”

Adil nodded, a slight nervous feeling in his stomach. “Right. Well I mostly work nights…”

Dr. Byrne nodded, taking the phone off Adil’s bedside table. “I’d like to set up appointments as soon as possible so there’s not much time between you leaving here and your first appointments. Does that make sense?”

“Of course.”

They called the therapist first, setting up an appointment for later in the week. Adil felt some relief with it, but he felt some nerves when they were about to call the psychiatrist.

“So they’re going to medicate me?” he asked cautiously.

“Just for now,” Dr. Byrne said. “To make sure you even out. Hopefully you won’t need it after some time.”

Adil looked down at his lap. “I don’t want to be medicated.”

He had been medicated before. It was where the old pills he had overdosed on had come from. Dr. Byrne seemed to know what he was thinking. “I’m sure it’ll be temporary,” he assured. “And perhaps you can talk to someone about hiding them, just in case. Until you’re ready to have them out. I believe you and Mr. Hamilton are looking to get a flat together?”

Adil nodded. “I’ll talk to him about it,” he said softly. Not there was any danger of him attempting suicide again, but the idea of having pills out in the open made him sick to his stomach.

They set up an appointment with the psychiatrist for the following week. There was still _some_ anxiety about it, but Adil knew he just had to trust in the people who loved him.

“You’re going to be fine, Mr. Joshi,” Dr. Byrne said with a reassuring smile. “It seems you’ve already gotten over many humps…you’re very strong, and you have people who love you and will support you. I have complete faith you’re going to be fine.”

***

Adil’s discharge was scheduled for the next day. Toby cleaned up the evidence he had been spending so much time there, packing up the games and everything else he had brought. Adil hadn’t come in with anything, though Toby had brought him a few things that he also packed up. Adil couldn’t wait to be out of the hospital, though the thought of going back to his apartment brought some trepidation.

The whole time, Toby kept sending Adil sly smiles. It was obvious he had something up his sleeve, something that Adil wasn’t expecting. He chose not to address this, just occasionally giving his boyfriend a raised eyebrow when it was at its worst.

By the time everything was packed and Adil was dressed to reenter the world, he was feeling stronger than ever. He had his appointments set, and was even feeling better about going back to his apartment. After all, it was only temporary. Toby and he would be moving in together soon enough.

Adil signed his discharge papers, leaving the hospital hand in hand with Toby, a whole new sense of happiness blooming in him.

When Adil and Toby got back to Adil’s apartment, he was surprised to see everything in boxes. He turned to Toby, eyebrow raised, finally understanding all of his boyfriend’s sly looks.

“Hey, you gave me a key,” Toby held up his hands in surrender. “I figured I’d get everything packed to make the move easier.”

Adil knew he shouldn’t have been surprised that Toby managed to find a suitable flat that quickly, but it was still a bit of a shock, seeing everything packed away. Adil had been in this flat for some time, and it wasn’t like he had a _ton_ of belongings. He laughed. “Toby Hamilton, you are one of a kind,” he kissed him lightly.

“The moving van comes in a bit. Everything else at the new place is all ready.”

Adil laughed. There was so much joy bubbling up in his chest. For all the mistakes he had made, things were certainly looking up. Toby had forgiven him. They were moving in together. They had a _future_ together. “Thank you,” he finally said softly, feeling happy tears in his eyes.

“For what?” Toby looked slightly confused.

“For forgiving me. Hearing me out, and still wanting to be with me. For wanting to have a future with me…for _loving_ me.”

Toby cupped Adil’s face in his hands. “I know everything was pretty fucked for a bit…but I can’t live without you, Adil. All the assholes I dated…I guess I was pretty devastated at first, thinking you were just like one of them…but I guess I should have known better. I’m sorry it took…what it took. But you’re here with me…” a tear dripped down Toby’s face. “I’m just sorry I didn’t trust you from the beginning and…” he took a deep breath. “I _do_ love you, Adil Joshi. _So_ much.”

“I love you so much too, Toby Hamilton.”

The two shared a kiss, both of them crying, before they heard a knock on the door. “The moving guy,” Toby chuckled, pulling back. “Ready?”

Adil beamed. “Ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And of course, thank you to everyone who leaves kudos and comments. You give me the confidence to keep going. :P


	7. THE PROPOSALS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The flat was modest, but nice. It was an easier walk to the Halcyon, and an easier tube ride to Toby’s office. It didn’t take too long for the two men to feel completely at home…not just in the flat, but with each other. Neither had lived with someone else before, so there was plenty of learning, but Adil and Toby got good at that. Going to sleep and waking up in each other’s arms was a dream come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta reader, @SzonKlin, is so good at giving me confidence about chapters. Thank you, dear!
> 
> This will probably be the last full chapter. The next one is sort of an epilogue, so I don't think it will be as long, but I don't know for sure, so don't hold me to any of that, okay? :P
> 
> Writing a modern day AU has been fun, but I'm glad to be getting back to regular period pieces. XD
> 
> As usual, nothing is mine. I just have fun playing with the boys (and every other character I've included in here!)

The flat was modest, but nice. It was an easier walk to the Halcyon, and an easier tube ride to Toby’s office. It didn’t take too long for the two men to feel completely at home…not just in the flat, but with each other. Neither had lived with someone else before, so there was plenty of learning, but Adil and Toby got good at that. Going to sleep and waking up in each other’s arms was a dream come true.

As time passed and they reached a place of full trust again, Adil and Toby started getting more and more physical again.

Their first time making love again, nearly a month after Adil’s suicide attempt, was as beautiful as their first time together.

Toby and Adil laid together afterwards, arms around each other and legs tangled together.

“I love you,” Toby said softly.

“I love you, too. And I’m still so sorry for-”

Toby leaned forward and kissed Adil deeply. “Shh. No more.”

The two looked into each other’s eyes. As usual, Adil felt Toby was staring straight into his soul. “Toby?”

“Hmm?”

“Is this forever?”

Toby smiled and gave a soft chuckle. “Yes, Adil. I think it is.”

***

Adil loved how utterly _domestic_ they had become, like how Toby always waited up for him, no matter how late his shift at the bar was. Or how, even when they fought, they made up before bed…Adil’s mother had always taught him never to go to bed angry, a bit of wisdom Toby happily adopted. They got a dog, a runt corgi they named Devi, though they both knew they wanted children someday.

Adil wasn’t sure how it could possibly get better. He had never been so happy in his life…after he and Toby had ironed out all the kinks, they were living a life that Adil had only fantasized about. After everything that had happened, their relationship had only gotten stronger. They had more than they had ever had before.

As directed in his discharge, Adil continued his psychological help. He still saw his therapist weekly, and was now seeing his psychiatrist monthly. Toby was his support every step of the way. He had even hidden Adil’s meds…it was a precautionary thing, but also because Adil didn’t want to see the bottles. They made him feel an extremely deep anxiety.

It had reached a point where Adil wasn’t feeling so many of the initial feelings. The guilt, the feeling like he shouldn’t be forgiven. He was even starting to fully forgive himself. It was a slow process, but things were starting to work themselves out, something Adil was grateful for. His and Toby’s lives were completely intertwined now, and neither of them would want it any other way.

***

One exhausting night, Adil came home to find little candles lining the path to the front door. He pushed open the door, finding more candles and rose petals.

“Toby?” he called out.

“Follow the path!” he heard from the bedroom.

Adil chuckled, following the path of rose petals and candles. He came into the bedroom where Toby was sitting on the bed, wearing a tight shirt and his tight jeans that Adil loved so much. “What’s all this?” he raised an eyebrow.

“I know things have been kind of crazy recently…you’re working a lot and applying to universities…and I know the therapy is helping but you still have your moments…so I thought I’d set up a nice, romantic night for you.”

Adil felt tears swimming in his eyes. “Toby…”

“I have a bath running now…I thought we could start with that.”

Adil couldn’t help but laugh as he all but threw himself into Toby’s arms. “We’re really having a bath?”

“I told you we’d use it eventually,” Toby said with a wicked grin, kissing Adil lightly. Adil hadn’t been sure why Toby wanted a place with a bathtub, but now he was thinking it was just a part of Toby’s romantic side. It wasn’t possible to take a bath in a shower stall.

They undressed and laid in the tub together, Toby with his back to the tub and Adil with his back to Toby’s chest. It was nice to relax in the hot water, and it smelled like Toby had put some rose water in as well, which only made it better.

“Long night?” Toby finally asked softly.

“How could you tell?”

“I know what your face looks like when you’ve had a long night.”

Adil chuckled. “Socialites,” he said with a sigh.

“Hey, you’re talking to one of them.”

“You are _far_ from one of them, Toby Hamilton,” Adil turned slightly to kiss Toby lightly. “I believe I’ve told you that before.”

Toby laughed. “I still apologize for them. I’m sorry you had such a hard night. I promise I’m going to make it all better,” he kissed Adil’s neck lightly. “You deserve it.”

“Mmm…” Adil cuddled back against Toby’s chest, just relaxing, feeling his lover’s heart beat through his entire being. It was one of Adil’s favorite feelings…Toby’s heartbeat was so much more than that. It reverberated through his body, through his soul.

As the bath water grew cold, the two men got out, toweling down. Letting his towel drop, Toby kissed Adil passionately, leading him to the bedroom. “I love you,” he whispered against Adil’s lips as he lowered him onto the bed.

“I love you too, Toby,” Adil said softly, running his hands all over Toby’s body, wherever he could reach. “So much.” Toby started stroking Adil’s cock slightly, Adil whimpering softly in pleasure. “Oh God, Toby…”

“You’re so gorgeous,” Toby whispered, grabbing the lube and pushing a finger inside of Adil. Adil moaned, scrambling to pull Toby closer. “You’re my everything.”

“Always so soppy,” Adil teased. Gasping as Toby curled his finger, hitting his sweet spot.

“You love me for it,” Toby grinned widely.

Adil pulled Toby in for a deep kiss, his tongue running along Toby’s bottom lip, seeking entrance. As they kissed, Toby lifted Adil’s hips, pushing inside of him slowly. Adil moaned loudly into the kiss, lifting his hips slightly.

Toby pulled back, nuzzling and kissing at Adil’s neck. “I love the noises you make when I’m inside you,” he said with a wicked grin. “ _God_ they’re so hot.”

“They’re all for you, Toby Hamilton.”

Toby moved inside of Adil, slowly, passionately. The air was filled with the sounds of moans and wet kisses. When Toby angled Adil’s hips up to hit the spot inside him, Adil gasped, accidentally biting Toby’s lip.

“Someone’s feeling feisty,” Toby teased against Adil’s lips.

“Harder,” was all Adil could manage.

Toby reached down to stroke Adil in rhythm with his thrusts, hitting his sweet spot with every deep thrust. “You’re such a sight,” Toby groaned. “ _Jesus_ I love you.”

“Love you…” Adil gasped. “God, Toby…I’m going to come…”

Toby increased his pace, hitting deeper and deeper until his lover came, Toby’s name falling from Adil’s lips. Unable to last much longer, Toby thrusted in deep with a cry, releasing into Adil.

The two lay together, cuddled up close. “You’re amazing,” Toby said drowsily, peppering Adil with kisses anywhere he could reach.

“You are more so,” Adil teased with a sleepy smile.

“Getting a flat together was my best idea ever,” Toby gave a toothy grin.

“I’m not entirely sure I can fight that one,” Adil laughed.

True to his word, Toby had fixed up Adil’s horrible night. Adil loved his boyfriend for always being able to do that. And now…he understood that there was no place in the world he would rather be than wrapped up in Toby’s arms, as if the other man could shield him from all the evils of the world. It was Adil’s favorite place in the world.

Because _of course_ Toby could shield him from all the evils of the world.

***

“She just showed up at the door.”

Adil had just come in, carrying bags from the grocery store. He was slightly confused until he saw Mrs. Hamilton sitting primly at the kitchen table, a mug of tea in front of her.

“Oh…”

Adil had known this was going to happen eventually. Toby had filled him in on all of it, what had happened since Adil’s suicide attempt. How Mrs. Hamilton had heard everything when Toby called Freddie and Emma, how awful she had felt, and how she was finally ready to properly get to know Adil…as a person and as Toby’s boyfriend.

Even so, he wasn’t expecting to walk into his flat and find her there. Adil caught Toby’s eyes, and Toby gave him a reassuring smile, setting out two more mugs of tea at the table.

Adil sat, feeling like he had to sit up extra straight and properly. Toby sat beside him, kissing his forehead and taking his hand, squeezing it lightly.

The three of them sat in silence for a few minutes, Adil feeling extremely awkward. Mrs. Hamilton was the complete opposite of his own mother, who was warm and able to make anyone feel comfortable and important within seconds. Adil shifted slightly in his chair.

“I was sorry to hear about…what happened,” Mrs. Hamilton finally said. Adil wasn’t sure if he was perceiving her own feelings of awkwardness. “I am glad you are doing okay.”

“Thank you,” Adil looked down. He was sure Toby hadn’t told her the whole story, but that was just fine. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t be attempting sympathy if he had.

“I’ve never really…well, Toby…”

Now Adil was sure the woman was feeling just as awkward as he was.

“Toby has never made the best decisions about who he dates,” Mrs. Hamilton continued. Toby let out a soft _huff_. “But you seem much more…well, not like the other ones.”

“He definitely isn’t,” Toby cut in. “He’s a million times better than all of them.”

As usual, when this sort of thing came up, Adil felt a stab of guilt for what he had put Toby through, though it was getting less painful as he continued to work through things with his therapist. He definitely didn’t want to say anything about that to Mrs. Hamilton, but Toby gave Adil a sidelong glance. It was something they had talked about…open communication was certainly helping with the healing.

“Yes, well,” Mrs. Hamilton fixed her eyes on Adil. “I can’t say I understand it, or whether it’s truly appropriate…” Adil knew exactly what that meant…Toby dating someone on staff was obviously still a bit of an issue for the woman, but she seemed to be trying. “But Toby is an adult and can make these decisions for himself.”

Adil was surprised to hear a chuckle come from Toby. “Well, Mother…I believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to someone I’ve dated.”

Mrs. Hamilton shot her son a look, a slightly smug smile on Toby’s face.

“Well Toby seems quite serious about you, Mr… _Adil_ ,” Mrs. Hamilton continued. “So perhaps it’s time to…er…properly meet you.”

A million things ran through Adil’s head. He wished he had been more prepared for this. Was Mrs. Hamilton only acting this way because Adil had tried to kill himself? What all had Toby said to her about Adil? Glancing over at his boyfriend, it was clear Toby was also feeling a bit awkward. It was something in his eyes, despite the usual, easy smile on his face. Something that Adil was pretty sure only he could see, and only because he had spent a long time looking at Toby’s face and getting to understand his expressions.

Adil took a sip of his tea. “Thank you,” he finally said. “It means a lot to me.”

Mrs. Hamilton looked a bit surprised at that, but she eventually gave Adil a tight smile.

The meeting could have gone much worse. Although Mrs. Hamilton remained mostly reserved, Adil felt like she was trying. And he was pretty sure that was a step in the right direction.

By the time she left, Adil felt exhausted. Toby looked so, making Adil feel like he probably looked it as well.

Toby smiled widely regardless. “I think that’s the most effort she’s ever made with one of my boyfriends.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

It definitely made Adil feel better. “I suppose that’s certainly something.”

Toby took Adil’s hand and held it tight. “It definitely is. You get a reward now.”

Adil snorted. “Is my reward a kitchen blowjob?”

Toby was already pulling Adil off the chair. “You know it is. Up against the wall… _now_.”

***

Months passed. Adil and Toby’s lives became more and more intertwined, more than they ever were before. Their time together was a gift, something they both knew and would never take for granted. Neither had imagined they’d get to be a part of something so _beautiful_.

Four months after moving into the flat, Adil and Toby were celebrating their one year anniversary. It was a pretty big deal for both of them, since neither had been in such a healthy relationship for that long, not to mention the fact that they already knew they would be spending their lives together. They went out for a fancy dinner and came home for dessert and further celebration. Adil had made his mother’s shrikhand recipe, as Toby had fallen in love with it from the very first time they had visited Adil’s family. They opened a bottle of champagne and relished in just being together.

After dessert, Adil and Toby just sat at the kitchen table, talking and planning their lives. Toby suddenly gave Adil a sly grin. “I have one more thing,” he said, as if extremely proud of himself.

Adil raised his eyebrow. “I thought we said no gifts,” money was still a bit tight at times, and the two of them had decided against gifts for this anniversary.

“It’s not _really_ a gift…” Toby pulled something out of his pocket before standing, kissing Adil’s forehead before getting down on one knee. Adil’s eyes widened and his breath caught as Toby showed the ring box, opening it to reveal a rose gold band set with a medium sized diamond, and a small diamond, ruby and amethyst on either side. “Adil Joshi…I know things haven’t always been easy with us, but we’ve gotten through everything on top. You’re the only one I could _ever_ spend my life with. I love you more than anything…please do me the great honor of becoming my husband.”

Adil couldn’t speak for a moment, but a wide smile formed on his face and he felt happy tears pricking at his eyes. “Yes…oh _God_ , Toby… _yes_!”

Toby slid the ring onto Adil’s finger, beaming at the other man. Adil could feel the happy tears dripping down his face. “Don’t cry!” Toby laughed, wiping them away. “You’re too pretty for tears.”

Adil leaned forward to kiss Toby. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my entire life,” he said softly.

“Me neither,” Toby said with a wide smile. Adil could see the tears forming in his eyes as well. “God, Adil…you’re a dream.”

Adil laughed, standing and pulling Toby up with him. “As if you’re one to talk, Mr. Hamilton,” he kissed him again. “And I’m going to get you a ring as well.”

“You don’t want to be my bride?” Toby teased.

“Shut up,” Adil laughed, pulling Toby in for another kiss. “Everyone needs to know that _you’re_ taken, too,” he kissed him again. “Equal footing and all… _fiancé_.”

“I suppose that’s fair.”

“As if we’ve ever played fair,” Adil teased. He smiled gently. “I love you so much, Toby.”

“I love you so much, too, Adil.”

“How about consummating our engagement?” Adil said slyly, holding Toby’s hand tight and already pulling him back to the bedroom.

Toby let himself be led, a smirk on his face. “I think that is an _excellent_ idea.”

***

Ring shopping was not as easy as Adil thought it was going to be. He looked online, went to every jeweler in the area. He knew that Toby’s engagement ring had to be _perfect_. Finally, as he was passing a small shop, he saw something in the window…two woven silver bands with a diamond in the middle and tiny emeralds following the path of one of the woven bands. It was absolutely _perfect_. Adil just stared, thinking about how the tiny emeralds shone like the little flecks of green in Toby’s eyes.

Adil had never been the type who could understand spending a small fortune on an engagement ring. Obviously he figured he would find something nice, but looking at the ring in the window, he realized he didn’t care how much it would cost, because it was now the only ring he could ever imagine on Toby’s finger.

So walking away with the ring box in his bag, Adil was definitely feeling quite triumphant.

Walking to the tube, Adil took a moment to think about the past year. So much had happened, so much he would never expect, some things that had been carefully categorized in his brain as _good memories_ or _bad memories_. He thought about the first time he had met Toby. He thought about _the challenge_. Sometimes it was easy to forget all the details that had gotten Adil and Toby to where they were now, but some reflection time was necessary for Adil. Now was as good a time as any, he figured, what with getting engaged…getting prepared to spend his life with someone. There was definitely a lot to look back on. Some of it the man thought he’d reflect on with his fiancé, since so much of it was a shared experience with Toby. Adil was pretty sure Toby would be game for something like that. The two of them were very adamant about openness and honesty as a general rule. And some of this would be best processed together.

When a couple had been through hell and back, and still managed to come out on top, there was no doubt that a happily ever after was possible.

“You’re running late,” Toby called from the kitchen as Adil came in. “I thought your class ended a couple hours ago.”

“I took a detour,” Adil chuckled, hanging his coat on the coat rack. Toby was right, on Fridays Adil tended to come straight home. They had made it their unofficial movie nights, as Adil’s schedule was still a bit strange between school and work but he had worked it so he always had Fridays off. “Very important business,” he went into the kitchen, pecking Toby lightly on the lips.

“If you say so,” Toby shrugged, stirring a pot of what looked like chili. “Go check on the rice, will you?”

Adil smiled slightly. “Yes, sir.”

“Oh shut up,” Toby put down the spoon he was stirring with to wrap his arms around Adil. “How was your day?”

“It was fine. I managed an A on that psychology paper I thought was a mess.”

“Such a smart boy,” Toby teased, rubbing his nose against Adil’s. “I told you that you’d be fine.”

“Mmm…” Adil kissed Toby lightly. “Maybe I should start listening to you more.”

“Exactly how much time do you spend tuning me out?” Toby teased in mock outrage.

“You probably don’t want to know the answer to that one,” Adil teased.

Both men laughed, kissing again. Toby went back to his pot of chili. “School related?”

“Huh?”

“Your detour.”

“Oh. I’ll tell you later.”

Toby raised an eyebrow. “Okay…”

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Adil rolled his eyes, checking on the rice. “Now just isn’t the best time.”

They chatted about their days over dinner, enjoying the easiness of it all. It was such a routine these days, taking turns cooking dinner, always taking the time to catch up before Adil was off to work or do homework or before they curled up on the sofa for a movie. Sometimes Adil couldn’t remember his life before…what it had been like before the Halcyon, before Toby Hamilton. Sure, his history would always be his history, and it was important to remember what came before, but with such a bright, clear future, sometimes Adil just wanted to keep looking ahead.

“Whose night is it to choose the movie?” Toby asked as they were cleaning up.

“Yours, I believe,” Adil thought on it for a second. “But I have one last thing…”

Toby looked over, putting the last dried dish away. “What…” he trailed off as Adil got down on one knee, holding open the ring box.

“I would like a turn as well,” Adil teased, smiling widely. Toby was giving that grin…the one that made Adil’s stomach do flip flops even after all this time. “Toby Hamilton…we’ve been through so much together, and I don’t ever want to be without you. Say you’ll be mine forever, through the craziest times and everything. Marry me?”

Toby laughed. “Yes…yes, _of course_ , Adil!”

Adil grinned, sliding the ring onto Toby’s finger and standing to wrap his arms around him, pulling him in for a deep kiss.

Later on, as they half watched a movie, spending more time kissing than anything, Adil started thinking again. About how much had changed the past year…how much he had learned, mistakes both of them had made. And how he and Toby had still made it. Would Adil have changed things? Perhaps, perhaps not. It wasn’t the type of thing he usually gave much thought to. Adil was a firm believer that what was meant to happen _would_ happen, and that everything happened for a reason. He tried not to have regrets, or dwell in the ‘what if’s’.

“Adil?”

Adil looked up at his fiancé. “Huh?”

“I can practically hear you thinking. What’s going on in that beautiful head?”

“Just…how we got here. The past year. Our future. All of it.”

Toby smiled, kissing Adil lightly. “That’s a lot to think about. Why don’t I just take you to bed and we can think tomorrow.”

Adil snorted. “You’re such a sex addict.”

“I’ve never heard you complain.”

“Lies,” Adil teased. “But you can take me to bed anyway. We can think tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for the kudos and comments! They certainly make a person feel spiffy and enjoyed. :D


	8. THE EPILOGUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @SzonKlin is the best person in the whole wide world.
> 
> This is just a super short little epilogue. You guys know I like to tie up all my loose ends and be as sappy as I can. XD
> 
> I've started working on something new. Yay! Hopefully the first chapter will be ready and out soon. :D
> 
> The boys are still not mine. But I still like playing with them, of course.

Adil wasn’t _nervous_ about his wedding…it was more of an…anticipatory excitement. After everything he and Toby had been through over the past few years, he never thought he’d find himself here, about the marry the love of his life. Adil felt jumpy and jittery, just waiting to be standing at the altar across from the man he loved.

“Calm down, Adil,” Dhani rolled his eyes. The two had worked hard to reconcile and go back to being _brothers_ after Adil’s suicide attempt. It had taken time, but the months between then and now had helped both of them heal. Adil was very grateful for that much…he loved his brother very much and their initial estrangement had been quite painful. But after many deep conversations, and Adil being open and honest, Dhani had come around. At first it was a matter of just getting the boy to understand and building up from there.

Even now, Dhani was the only member of Adil’s family who knew the whole story. It wasn’t that Adil didn’t think he could share it with his parents and Priya, but they didn’t need the whole story right now. Maybe someday, but Adil was more concerned about mending things with his brother.

It had all worked. The two were brothers again…and Dhani had been more than happy to jump into the ‘best man’ spot. In all fairness, he was doing a great job of keeping Adil from completely jumping out of his skin. “You’re going to be _fine_.”

“I’m just ecstatic,” Adil laughed. “I’m perfectly calm.”

Dhani rolled his eyes again but didn’t say anything more. He checked his watch. “Almost ready?”

Adil nodded.

They had decided there would be no ‘walking down the aisle’, something that made sense for a bride and groom, but certainly not two grooms. Adil and Toby would enter from doors on either side and meet at the altar.

When it was time to enter, Adil couldn’t tear his gaze from Toby. He looked absolutely _gorgeous_ , dressed up and glowing…like Adil knew he was as well. Toby looked him over with a giant grin before their eyes met, both gazing deep and unable to look away.

Everything around them just melted away. Nothing mattered except for the two of them, not breaking their eye contact. Freddie had to nudge Toby to bring him back to the present. “Snap out of it,” he laughed. “It’s time for vows and rings.”

Toby nodded and took a deep breath, taking the ring from Freddie with shaking hands.

“Adil Joshi…from the moment you entered my life, I knew you were going to be important in my future…but I could have absolutely no idea that you’re the man I was going to spend forever with. I know we had our hiccups, but we got through, and came out on top, loving each other more than ever. There’s no one else in this world I would rather spend my life with, and I thank God every day that you came into my life. I love you forever,” he slid the ring onto Adil’s ring finger, over his engagement ring.

Adil took the ring from Dhani. “Toby Hamilton…you have been my dream since we first met. Every time I look at you, every moment I spend with you, I fall deeper and deeper in love with you. Getting to be with you for the rest of our lives brings so much joy to me, to everything I do, and it’s like I’m electrified every time I remember you’re _mine_. I could never spend forever with anyone else in the world. I love you so much, I always have, and I always will,” he slipped the ring on Toby’s finger.

They beamed at each other.

“I now pronounce you married in the eyes of the law. You may seal your vows with a kiss,” the officiant said.

Adil and Toby leaned in for a kiss, both of them crying happy tears. “I love you, Toby Hamilton-Joshi,” Adil whispered against Toby’s lips.

“And I love you, Adil Hamilton-Joshi,” Toby whispered right back.

***

They had decided to honeymoon in Capri, in a fancy hotel overlooking the water. Although they were exhausted by the time they got in, neither Toby or Adil could get each other’s clothes off fast enough.

Evan after all this time, Adil couldn’t help but marvel over his husband. His pale skin, the trail of freckles Adil loved so much. The excitement he always felt in his stomach, throughout his being, when Toby was entirely naked before him.

Adil pulled Toby close. “I love you,” he whispered, nuzzling the other man’s neck.

“I love you too, Adil,” Toby gasped as Adil sucked a mark below his collarbone. “So much.”

“I love being your husband.”

“I love being _yours_.”

They laughed, falling into the large bed in their suite. Suddenly all rush was forgotten. They kissed slowly and passionately, hands roaming and bodies tangled together.

Toby pushed Adil down into the bed, climbing on top of him and stroking his cock lightly. Adil moaned softly, eyes fluttering shut as Toby worked a finger inside of him. “Oh God, Toby…”

With that toothy grin that Adil loved so much, Toby pushed in a second finger. “Ready to consummate our marriage?” he teased.

“God, yes…need you inside of me…”

Lifting Adil’s hips, Toby slowly pushed inside of him, their eyes locked as Adil let out a breathy moan.

“You feel so good around me.”

“You feel so good inside me.”

“I love you…”

“I love _you_ …”

Adil would never grow tired of making love with Toby. It was like their bodies were meant to fit together, they were meant to move together in this way. It was just another reason he knew they were just…meant to be.

Toby angled Adil’s hips, hitting deep inside to the spot that made him see stars. Adil let out a loud moan, pulling Toby’s hips in deeper. Toby leaned in to kiss him deeply, stroking Adil in time with his thrusts. It wasn’t long before Adil let out a sharp moan, having the most intense orgasm he had ever had. Toby came soon after, shooting his release deep inside of his husband.

They lay facing each other in bed, breathing heavily, identical wide smiles on their faces.

“My husband,” Toby said in wonder, as if he still couldn’t believe he was in this place.

Adil chuckled. “For better or for worse.”

“I couldn’t find a better man to spend my life with.”

“I feel exactly the same, Toby.”

They kissed drunkenly, bodies tangled together. There was no rush, no ticking clock. Toby and Adil knew they had all the time in the world, and the promise of a whole future to come. Their lives were one now, and it couldn’t make them happier.

And that was how they fell asleep, holding each other to the sound of the water against the rocks outside.

***

The next morning, Adil and Toby woke up at the same time, still naked and tangled under the bedsheets. They smiled at each other, sharing a light kiss.

“Our first full day as Mr. and Mr. Hamilton-Joshi,” Toby grinned.

“It’s a wonderful thing, isn’t it?” Adil laughed.

Toby clumsily got out of bed, standing by the window. Adil watched intently. He loved the way the morning framed his husband’s body, the sun shining on his pale, naked body. It was the most beautiful thing Adil had ever seen in his life. He felt tears forming in his eyes, knowing it was all for him. Toby was a work of art.

“I love you,” Adil said softly.

Toby turned his head, smiling at Adil like he was the only person in the world that mattered. “I love you too, Adil.”

“Is this forever?” Adil repeated the words that had been spoken many times with a sly smile.

Toby stalked back over to the bed, pulling Adil up and holding him close. “Oh, Adil…” he whispered in his husband’s ear. “I don’t think I even need to answer that one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for getting me through this one! I appreciate all the kudos and comments so much...modern AU has been a wild ride, but you guys have been the best with my experiment!

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you guys for all your comments and kudos! This is a new thing for me, and I hope it's as fun for everyone else to read as writing it (and all my ideas) is for me!


End file.
